Growing Up Military Style

Bettering myself

2011-12-29T07:21:00.001-08:00

With the new year brings the dreaded question. What's your resolution? And as usual I think of something good but know that I will never keep it. But at least I get the "that's fantastic!!" reply. Last year it was to get to 36 weeks pregnant with Josh. And I actually did it!! This year I'm not going for weight-loss or lower clothing sizes but I'm going for doing some sort of exercise every day. I started today. And I have goals. At one week of doing it I get an hour to myself. To read and get coffee or what ever I want. And I'll do it every week. At one month maybe a haircut. Just simple things. But to make me feel better about myself. Because if you ask Caleb about the last couple days it's been bad. I've felt horrible and fat and gross. So I'm changing it. I hope to be to a size 6 next jan 1st. And since I'm only a size 9 now I know I can make it. I just need to start eating better and working out. :) because not only do I deserve to feel better about myself, my hubby deserves to have a hot sexy wife by his side. Not a frumpy freak show. :) so here's to a new year with a good resolution that I can keep!

Crazy December

2011-12-19T11:41:00.001-08:00

I found that I rarely have time to just sit with a computer on my lap with the older boys eating me out of house and home and running wild and Josh eating non stop, growing (22lbs almost!!!), and trying to walk. In one week he went from moving an inch or two to full out crawling, pulling himself up on everything possible, and cruising!!!!! And now he keeps trying to walk! My little baby is all grown up. But with all this and a marriage time to just sit down and blog doesn't happen. So I found the app on my phone!!! Yay!!!! So last week and the week before we celebrated 5 years of craziness!! 5 years of life for Ben and 5 years of marriage for me and the hubby. I can't believe it's been 5 years. On top of that we had my sister here with her 2 kids and then today hubby's friend from Bragg is coming here for 4days and then my brother is coming for 3 days and then my sister with her kids are back for another 2 weeks min. So it's CRAZY!!!!! Plus my younger brother is getting married and Bens the ring bearer. :) and in march we are moving again. :) I live the life of a crazy lady. But life never stops! So I am off!!

Almost 6 months later and a move across the country

2011-10-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well I am here!! I promise. We have been super busy. Josh is almost 6 months old and we had his appointment yesterday. He 18lbs 4oz (76th%) and 27 3/8 cm long (91%). He's doing great. Rolling over front to back and back to front. along with almost crawling forward (he has backwards down). He's almost sitting up completely unassisted and is just so big and fun. He isn't sleeping through the night anymore and hasn't since we started our drive across the country. We start baby foods next month and are going with homemade baby food. I'm so excited!!!!! The big boys are doing great too. Ben is almost 5 and is so excited for his birthday but is hating to wait for it. Tristen is doing good too. He is turning out to have quite the attitude when he's tired and I hate missing their naps. Caleb is doing great too. He graduated the course and we are now at our new station in Washington. So far I like my neighbors and the kids play outside everyday with the other kids. We ended up getting rid of our dogs when we got here because the house is just too small for two big dogs. We ended up getting base housing because the houses where we wanted to live were just slightly out of our price range and we decided we are not going to retire to the west coast. We are going to AZ. it's AMAZING there. :) Caleb is enjoying his work and I'm loving being here. I had my sister come up and see us last week and I went down and saw my dad and friends. The drive across the country was a lot of fun. We came from NC all the way to Washington. We stopped and saw some of my family and Caleb's and both of our friends. All of which we haven't seen in a very long time. We went swimming almost every night and the kids did great. Josh let us know when he was done for the day and we'd stop at that time. I miss all of my friends and family in NC and wish I could be back there but the life of an army wife is making new friends and family where ever you go. Josh is hungry again so I need to go but here is Josh's 5 month picture. :)

Josh's Birth

2011-10-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

Tristen's turn to hold baby brother

Burping after his first feeding

An extra proud daddy holding his boy for the first time

Pictures while waiting to prove to facebook that I was ok.

My last day being pregnant 39 weeks exactly

Josh at just 12 hours old

Saying Hi to Ben after Josh was born

Ben held him first

It's almost been a week and I want to get this written before I forget. I went in for my 39 week appointment at 920. I was getting achy and wanted to see if we could jump start things. My plan was to ask for the membrane sweep, go home and do chores and go for a walk and shopping. Hoping that it would give my body a little jump. And since a lot of time it doesn't work I had my 40 week appointment the following Monday to try again. I had to go alone with the boys since Caleb had a formation but he was going to try and get to the appointment before it was over. The doctor heard the heart beat and was getting ready to do my cervix exam when I asked if she would be willing to do a membrane sweep and thinking she would say no she said sure! that they usually will do them at 38 weeks if asked. So I got excited! She went to do it and because my cervix likes to hide she had to push a little harder and POP goes the water. At first I thought I had tinkled a little and I was soooo embarrassed until she said "well oops. but it's clear and clean so lets get your babysitters here and get you upstairs". At this point my brain was going a million miles a minutes and I was starting to freak out a little. I still had dishes to do at home and there was a load of laundry that needed to be washed. And I hadn't vacuumed the day before like I needed to. I sent Caleb a message saying "water broke. need you now." and when I went to the front of the hospital he was running across the parking lot faster then I've seen him run. He got to me and we started making the calls and texts. I texted my brother to see what they were up to that day since I didn't know if he worked or not and he was our main babysitter. Caleb called our backup sitter which was his friend and got him on the way to our house. My brother was at breakfast and would swing by to pick up the carseats from my car and then go pick the boys up from our friend. After getting that figured out we both called our parents (it was only about 6am their time.) and let them know their newest grandson was coming. After the phone calls Caleb took the boys home and I went upstairs. I was only at 3cm when they did my exam at the doctors and not contracting so they wanted to start Pitocin. I wanted a drug free birth so I asked if I could walk around a little first and try to get labor going naturally once Caleb got there. They allowed it but after 6 hours the contractions wouldn't stick so we started the Pitocin on a low dose. I was extremely bored and was on facebook the whole time. I constantly had people saying they couldn't believe I was having a kid. :) The pitocine finally started to work at the lowest level and at 6 I was hurting bad. I was laying on my side with Caleb rubbing my back the whole time. When he stopped I'd yell at him to keep going. And by the end his hand was cramping bad and I wanted to punch him for using his nuckles instead of massaging my back. I asked for meds. Just enough to take the edge off but the nurse couldn't do an exam because I was in too much pain and I really didn't want the drugs so I said never mind. possibly in a ruder way though. At about 1950 everyone had left the room for one reason or another and my body switched from laboring to pushing and I screamed at Caleb to get someone beccause it was time. (While starting to do little pushes). I will never forget how Caleb ran around my bed straight into the rolling chair only to push it in front of him and trip on it again. He ran down the hall and I could hear him yelling at the nurse that I was pushing. They ran back into the room and Caleb told me not to push and I just glared at him. The nurse did a quick exam since I was already down and ready and she said I was good to go. When the whole room flocked with EVERYONE. I had told everyone when I arrived that the second I started to push we had 10 minutes MAX. And I guess they listened which was good because I started to push at 1956 ( I remember this because I looked at the clock and said we'd have another Ben and Caleb said only if I got him out in 4 minutes) And I was pushing good until they lost Josh's heartbeat and then I lost it for a couple minutes. Then got myself together and he made his entrance at 2006. I took him immediately and held him for 15 minutes before the nurse took him to weigh him and examine him. After that I harassed the doctors that were busy delivering my placenta (SO AWESOME TO WATCH!) and I later got to play with it. :) Then we discussed whether the hospital really was like greys anatomy with all the sex in storage closets (to which the answer was YES!) and of course while they were sewing me up I was posting on facebook. Yeah I'm a freak. The boys came and saw us later that night but were both asleep the whole time except for Ben when he wanted to snuggle with me. The boys came back the next day and were happy to hold Josh. It was an amazing experience and I loved going drug free again. Though once the pit really started working it was a little harder. But still proud of myself. So finally here is the birth story. Almost 6 months late. :)

Boys and Hubby

2011-10-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

This was supposed to be posted in March but some how didn't. oops. :) I'll post another one as soon as i'm done with all the other "drafts" lol.

I haven't done an update about the men of the family in a while. It's been a crazy weekend and couldn't help but think of them. Caleb is doing great in his classes. He's learning so much and is ready to fix up our house when we find one to buy. :) He has all these plans and it's going to be fun to see him do them. He's been the most amazing husband ever and I still don't know how I got so lucky. We are almost to the end of his training here which I'm both excited and sad about. While being here it meant that I didn't have to worry about deployments and knew he was always safe (though how safe is jumping out of airplanes??). Now when we get to Washington I know we'll get that dreaded word quickly. But it's part of the army life. Right now we are focusing on getting through his schooling and graduation. I can't believe we've been here at Bragg for a year now. It's been amazing. Caleb's excited to get done though and to put his new skills to use. Plus he wants to go back west. He hasn't seen his family in over a year and a half and the trip home is going to be good. Hopefully. lol. We'll see how old Josh is when we move. Caleb's getting more and more excited about Josh. Since he's finally home and able to enjoy the pregnancy it's been a lot of fun. We have all the nursery furniture and put together. :) Now we have the stroller and carseat. We just have to get a couple clothes, blankets, and sheets. And some towels. otherwise we are ready for him to get here. And Caleb did it all. He put everything together for me and he's always spoiling me rotten. The boys up until about a week ago were doing great. Now though they are having some major issues. I think they understand that something is about to change. Ben has become VERY VERY clingy (which he has NEVER EVER EVER been) and Tristen has become well...I guess a worse Tristen. He's in constant trouble, and it's getting difficult to deal with. He's also become mr independent but can't do most of the things he wants to do. Which makes it very difficult. Otherwise they are doing good. Ben is very excited for Josh (for now :) ) and always asks if we are ok. Tristen did the CUTEST thing ever! We have one of these and if you look at the purple part that holds the marker it looks like a mini doppler. Tristen came up to me a couple days ago and said "I'm a baby doctor and I need to hear Josh" so he put the "doppler" on my tummy and goes "thumpthumpthump" "he's healthy!" it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE. I loved it. I can't wait for Josh to get here so we can all be together. So Caleb is almost done, The boys are killing me with their cuteness, and the dogs are killing me with their trouble making. :) It's been a good year that we've been here. and I kinda don't want to go. :)

4 weeks old!

2011-06-05T07:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe little man is getting so big. He's awake A LOT more which when he's awake means boobs. lol. Just like the other 2 he loves to comfort nurse. Things are going well here. Caleb is gone but it's honestly not as bad as I thought it was. The big kids are doing great. and Josh is making everything easy. I'm not sure how I got so lucky. Only 3 weeks until Caleb is home and done with the course then it's back to the West coast!! I can't wait. I'll try and post pictures sometime soon. Today is the start of loosing weight loss and major house cleaning. Hopefully it goes well. :)

3 weeks

2011-05-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

Josh is 3 weeks old tomorrow and I can't believe it!!! I'm sorry I haven't had a lot of time to blog. We had Caleb's family here to enjoy some grandparent time and we stayed very relaxed. I think I was on the computer once to check bank accounts and that was it. I'm exhausted to say the least. Josh eats any where from every 30 minutes to 2 hours. but never any longer. And then I'm also pumping for my nephew. He's 9 days younger then Josh (He was born on Tristen's birthday!) My sister in law is having a supply issue and I've been pumping from the beginning to relieve engorgement so when they asked for milk I said HELL YEAH! :) I'm glad it's going to use because we don't bottle feed until 3 months and then it's for a date if we want one (yup we don't go on dates for the first 3 months) I've had numerous people tell me my marriage is going to fail because I spend too much time with Josh and don't let Caleb help feed. Can we say CRACK HEADS. For some reason a bottle is necessary for bonding. Burping, bathing, holding, and changing diapers is not in any way bonding. hahahaha. yeah I've got some vents to get out. Caleb made a joke last week when he asked when I wanted to start baby foods. When I said I'd like to wait until 9 months he said why not wait until 4 years. When I posted it on facebook (as a my hubby is so funny) I had numerous people say things about how it was weird I was going to breastfeed longer then 6 WEEKS!!! WHAT THE HECK! Why is it weird? A. have you seen formula prices? B. I dislike washing bottles. Right now I wash 2 bottles 3 times a day (pumping bottles) and that's enough for me. and C. Why would I switch when I'm loving it and don't plan on quiting until a year. It's funny to me how we've completely sexualized boobs and taken the natural things out of it. I'm also weird because the boys watch me breastfeed and talk to them about it. They know when Josh cries he's hungry and he gets food from mommy's breasts. But ANYWAY! 3 weeks. I can't believe it. I'm still working on his birth story. With so little time to be on the computer it's taking a little longer to write. I'll try and finish it soon. But for now time is focused on Josh, then when he's laying down, the big boys and Caleb. It's getting crazy. And starting Sunday I'll be all on my own with all 3 boys. Caleb is leaving for the last part of his training. It's 28 days and NO contact. EEK! :) But I'll be ok. But Josh is ready for his next feeding and if I don't post this I'll forget about it. :) Have a GREAT day!! Oh and a picture to let you see my chunks. :)

1 hour old

17 days old

He's here!

2011-05-07T05:38:00.000-07:00

Short and simple for now. My water broke yesterday morning while my doctor was sweeping my membranes and I was sent upstairs. We tried walking, squats, and hip rolling but the contractions weren't staying so we decided it was time to start pitocin. I was able to still go completely drug free and at 8:07 Joshua was born. He weighs 8lbs 2oz and is 21 inches long and so perfect.

Still here

2011-05-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

Josh is still residing in my belly. And as I near 39 weeks I am getting frustrated. Besides the fact that 1. I've never gone past 37 weeks and 2. The doctors said we'd have a baby by no later then 37 weeks, I am just soooooooooo done. I've never been this huge, in this much pain so constantly, and so exhausted. I feel like I am never going to stop being pregnant. I am having lots and lots of contractions. But they don't stick around for more then 3 hrs. At my last appointment I was 2 3/4cm and about 75%. Same as the appointment before that. I have my 39 week appointment on Friday and then my 40 week appointment on Monday when I'll only be 39 weeks 3 days. But it's the only appointment they had open. I am going to allow myself to go to 42 weeks before allowing an inducement since if they induce me then the chance of going without meds is very little. And my biggest thing is to go drug free since I refuse to have an epidural since just thinking about it causes panic attacks. I hope Josh comes soon though. I can't believe we've been ready for him for almost 5 weeks. And we found out my in-laws will be coming to visit mid May which is going to be fun. It's also Tristen's 3rd birthday coming up and I feel bad because we were planning on doing a party at the Zoo or Chuck E Cheeses but with a less then 2 week old baby I just can't risk being around all those people. So we are thinking a party at the park at our neighborhood center with just a couple friends and family. That way I have someplace cool to breastfeed Josh and someplace to store all of the food. It all just depends on when Josh comes. I still can't believe I'm still pregnant. But chores are calling my name and I can't put them off anymore.

Exhaustion and some whining

2011-04-21T05:46:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how tired I am. I feel like a train hit me over the head and some one else used my stomach for a punching bag. I am now 37 weeks!!! :) I had a doctors appointment yesterday where I am 2 and 3/4 cm dialated and 75% effaced!!! She said anytime this week! And with the contractions I've been having I hope so. :) I am so tired and sore. I am ready to meet my Josh. I'm so excited. We have everything for him. The house is ready for him and I can't believe it is finally time. One of the best things we found out last week was that Caleb is staying home!!!!! :) He was supposed to go out for a 4 week training exercise on Sunday but because Josh hadn't come they decided he had to stay. Caleb was a little upset by this but honestly I'm loving it. We get family time and some time with Josh before he leaves. And he'll be here for the birth 100%. Instead of worrying if they'd be able to get him here on time and trying to do labor on my own. I just wish he'd see the good parts too. He seems more doom and gloom about it which stinks but oh well. It also means we'll be here a couple extra months. So looks like Oregon gets to wait until September time at the earliest. I'll update later when I'm more awake. this is just a bunch of ramblings. :) Have a great day everyone!!

Nursery!!! :)

2011-04-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

Well people it is FINALLY done!!!! :) I just finished putting the last finishing touches on the walls and rearranging the room. (which ended up accidentally breaking my rocker but we got the insurance on it thank goodness and I can use it until the replacement piece gets here. :) ) So with out further ado our first and only nursery. :)
So we took this table that has been in the family since my dad was a baby and it used to be yellow. Then I painted it blue when Ben was 6 months old.
then i sanded the first shelf and thought what in the world did i spend 4 hours doing that for? So then we got some paint stripper and that did this So then we used that on the whole thing and I sanded it all after and came out with this Then stained it and glossed it It turned out gorgeous. The nest thing was our old dresser. It was old (came from Caleb's family) and Caleb used it growing up and we used it as a couple (how we managed to get all of our clothes in there I have NO clue. :) I don't have a before picture but this is during the sanding process. it was an oakish color to start with. Caleb did a fantastic job at helping me with this. :) And I think total we spent a good 8 hours sanding it. all sanded. and then stained.
Then we went on our big shopping trip to buy baby things and Caleb put them all together for me. the glider with Ben helping. the big crib. :) and the changing table in the back . All of Caleb's hard work made it so that this room was possible. He's the most amazing husband in the world and I couldn't be luckier. :)
the whole room. :)

His crib with baby blanket. :) and name that I painted and hung.

The dresser all finished with it's new handles. :)

The changing table all organized with the diaper bag ready to go. :)

the Glider and my wonderful side table. I'm so happy with out it ended up. :)

and his going home outfit :)

I can't believe how wonderful the whole room turned out. I love it and I can't wait to bring josh in so he can be in the room too. :)

1st BLOG AWARD!!! :)

2011-04-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

My sis in law awarded me my first blog award! How exciting!!! :) yup I've wanted one of these since I started the blog. lol.

So here are the are the requirements* to receive this award:

Thank the person who gave you the award and link them back in your post. DONE!
Tell seven things about yourself. DONE!
Award fifteen recently discovered new bloggers. WHELP I don't think I follow that many. but I'll try.
Contact these bloggers and let them know they have received this award. YAY!

1. Thanks Hanna for the award!!! Their blog is here at Hanna. :) She's an awesome sis in law. And an AWESOME knitter if you are looking for something. knittys!!! You shall now go look. :)

2. Seven things about me.

1. Um I come from a family of 11 all from the same 2 parents and I LOVE having a big family. :)

2. I used to want 8 kids. But Caleb only wanted 2 so I said 4. Some how we are now stuck on 3 :)

3. I NEVER want to work. :) But I plan on taking college classes. I want to take cooking classes for different ethnicity, reupholster classes, wood working, sewing, and crafting classes all so that I can be a better house wife and mom.

4. I LOVE the army life. It has made life so amazing and I'll be forever grateful for the new family I've made here.

5. Josh is our first and only planned child and it took us almost 2 years to get him.

6. I don't have my diploma. I have a GED and I feel like a failure because of it. Even though I scored the highest you can on all 4 areas.

7. I was never very popular in school. Elementary I was made fun of cuz I had a chest (It sucks to be in 4th grade with size C's.) Middle school I was the freak because my mom passed (to 6th graders this is contagious) And in High School I was just weird. lol. I had many acquaintances but no real friends. BUT now all of these girls are having kids and guess who the go to girl is now! :) ME! and I kinda love it. lol.

whew. I made 7. It only took me half an hour.

3. My blogs are not normal ones. I found most through Cafemom. and then through those blogs.

1. Kate This is a journal but still a blog to me. She's battling cancer and is so strong. I couldn't imagine having to be her mom. say many prayers for her.

2. venting vagina After struggling with infertility she is now pregnant with TWINS!! :)

3. lowfatlady she also was dealing with infertility and is now pregnant too!!! :)

4. quads ever wondered what it's like to have quads you'll love reading this one. It's amazing to me!

5. Greenfamily after loosing their first quads they are now one week behind me with a singleton. She's an amazingly strong woman.

Thats all I have. With 2 kids, pregnant, and 2 dogs I don't have much blog reading time. Tomorrow is my next doctors appointment so yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

34 weeks! :)

2011-03-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

Can we say oops and whoops to being WAY too busy? Last time I updated the weekly I was 29 weeks. So I'm quite a few weeks behind. I'll just update to now since I don't remember a lot of the last couple weeks.

here is me at 30 weeks (pink and black) and 32 weeks 4 days (green)

How many weeks? I am 34 weeks tomorrow!!!! :)

How am I feeling? Exhausted is the biggest understatement EVER. though now that Caleb is at a training thing for 8 days I can stretch out in bed and boy does that feel amazing :) Otherwise I am still dealing with REALLY bad heartburn, nausea and not wanting to eat. i have to force myself to eat and even then it's a bite here or there.

Doctor’s Appointment? i know that i have one next week and i know that i didn't update on one from a couple weeks ago. I'm measuring ahead still by a week and a half. and we are stopping the progesterone shots to see what my body does. I'm nervous but we are almost in the clear and I trust my doctor. (and it kinda excites me that we could have a baby anytime in the next 4 weeks. :) ) otherwise everything is great. I passed the GD test, my BP is up a little but they think it's because i'm dealing with 2 very active boys when I go to my appointments. lol. OH! BIG NEWS. He's HEAD DOWN!!!! and gosh darn it can you tell. the doctor said his head is already engaged and that we are ready to go. (Ben and Tristen both dropped at 32 weeks and were always REALLY low) so it's getting exciting.

Weight Gain? I've flat lined. I haven't changed a bit in about 3 weeks. I'm sitting pretty at 9lbs. (this is from my prepregnancy weight that the doctors follow. they don't care about the weight i lost before.) I still haven't gained any this week so we'll see what is said at my next appointment.

Baby Preparation? Done. :) I have some little wall stickers to put up but that is it. the dresser is in the room, the side table is in the room, the clothes are all put away. EVERYTHING is done. And gosh is it a relief. I also have the diaper bag packed, and our hospital bag is ready to go too. I can't believe we are finally here. It's so exciting. I'll post nursery pics later today or tomorrow. But for now I'm so excited. :)

Fears

2011-03-01T07:32:00.000-08:00

This pregnancy has been full of fears. First was always the preterm labor because we knew that it was going to happen the second we got pregnant. Then Caleb left and I was scared something would happen when he was gone. Which it did. Then the bleeding, thinking we were going to loose our baby and he wasn't here. Then finding out we had twins. and one was gone, then the clot that could be taking blood from the baby, and the bleeding that continued. Now my biggest fear is Josh not turning. He's breech right now. And I'm scared to the point of nightmares and shakes and crying. I don't want a csection. It is my biggest fear. I want my all natural birth. the one thing I felt like I could control. And I feel like that control is now out of my hands. I know there is plenty of time for him to turn. But all the what ifs go through my head. I won't have my birth the way I want. I won't have everything I did with the boys. I won't have ANYTHING like I did with the boys. And that is the hardest thing for me. I am so scared. And so worried. I have nightmares about it and wake up crying and shaking and sweating. I'm just hoping he gets that he needs to turn soon. otherwise i might just go insane.

29 weeks! HOLY COW!

2011-02-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

How many weeks? 29 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY COW!!!! almost to 30!

How am I feeling? Exhausted and sore. My stomach feels like it's being used as a punching and kicking bag. But it means I have a healthy baby boy which is all I care about.

Maternity: We ended up having to buy more clothes. All my shirts except for 2 were "normal" shirts and they just don't go over the belly anymore. so we got some new maternity shirts. Which look awesome. :)

Doctor’s Appointment? Had one yesterday and this is what I got!

Do you see those cheeks???? It's amazing to me. :) The appointment went well. I lost weight again but the doctor seemed ok after telling him I had gained 4 lbs the week before because of my birthday. :) I love to eat. But everything looked great and I have now been released from my high risk. Which is happy and sad. I don't want to see leave him because I get ultrasounds every 4 weeks but it means my pregnancy has finally turned normal. Which is all I want. Though the doctor said at 34 weeks I'll have another ultrasound because Josh is breech. Which I thought didn't matter until 36-38 weeks. since baby can still turn. But we shall see. Other then that everything is GREAT! OH!!!! Josh is now weighing in at 3lbs 3oz and that puts him in the 95th percentile. :) SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!

Weight Gain? Well my doctor now goes by the weight i gained from my prepregnancy weight. Which puts me at a grand total of 6 lbs. hahahaha. yup i'm a skinny bitch. :) I'm hoping that once I have Josh I'll go to pre pregnancy weight and then can start loosing to get to my goal weight in 9 months. Which since it'll only be about 30lbs should be easy.

Baby Preparation? The nursery is ALL done. Except for the dresser and side table. We are staining them this weekend. :) And then we have to buy linens and wall decals. the walls are bare so i want to put something on them. we shall see what. I'll post pictures of the the nursery in a bit. Right now I am laying down from a shopping trip that sent me into cramping which means rest and water.

27 weeks, Birthday, and contractions

2011-02-14T06:01:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that I am 27 weeks now. It's crazy to me how much time has gone by. It seems like we just got the positive yesterday. Last night was spent wide awake timing contractions because I was in massive pain for about 3 hours. I was scared we'd have to go in but I never had more then 5 strong ones in an hour. (You have to have 6 to go in) but along with the strong ones I had weak ones. It felt like braxton hicks combined with real ones. They hurt BAD. Today my stomach is sore and my back is killing me. So it's going to be a lazy day. Josh is moving a lot though so I'm not worried about him. I'm just hoping we can make it the 10 more weeks. I hope. Saturday was also my birthday. Caleb spoiled me ROTTEN. I got flowers and chocolate covered strawberries, some comfy clothes.He also cooked me my FAVORITE dinner. Bulgolgi and white rice. :) (It's a Korean dish) And then to top it all off he put all of the nursery furniture together. Which I'm falling in love looking at it. It's just the furniture in there right now. next month we might buy some blankets and decorating things. we'll see. But I won't be doing a survey this week. I'll try again next week. I'm exhausted right now and the kids need some loving. Have a great week!

We did it.

2011-02-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

And I'm freaking out that we did it too early. We ordered EVERYTHING! Crib, changing table, glider, carseat set, bouncer and swing, and bought our bassinet/changing table for down stairs. We went in to order just the crib and because everything is being sold so fast (4 of our choices were sold out and not due to be in stock until after Josh gets here) we decided to order it all. Because of the trade in deal BabysRUs is doing everything is getting out of stock really fast. So with 10 weeks left we bought everything. It should be here in about 7-14 days. Which means I have to get the nursery cleaned up this weekend at the latest. It seems so scary. to know that we are almost there. And I'm scared something will happen. I know I have to get over this fear but I don't think I will until Josh is here safe and sound. Here's hoping that we can get through the next 10 weeks with no problems.

Sick

2011-02-01T07:54:00.001-08:00

I have NEVER felt so bad and horrible as I did yesterday. I woke up at 3am with running to the bathroom hoping to get there to the toilet in time. After throwing up almost every half hour and having it out the other end too I was exhausted. Still I got up to take care of the kids though Caleb had to fend for himself. Who in turn ended up getting sick too. Caleb went off to work and I got ready for Ben's doctor's appointment. At first we though we just had food poisoning because the kids weren't sick. I made a call into the doctors office to see at what point I would need fluids because NOTHING was staying down. I was able to get a little water in and with that we were off to Ben's appointment. I ended up puking in the doctors office and the doctor was very nice and understanding. And then while waiting I fell asleep partially. We finally made it out of the doctors and picked up some meds for Caleb and dropped them off at the truck. I couldn't take anything so I was kinda peeved. Kids got donuts and we got home. I put them in their toy room and I laid on the couch and dazed in and out of sleep. I have never felt so bad before. I was able to get a little bit of water down but that was it. Ben ended up puking sometime around 4 and then it didn't stop coming out. so while in a state of half asleep i got him cleaned up, the floors cleaned up, and taught him how to puke in a toilet. It helps that he got to see me do it too. lol. Caleb came home and took over for me since he was feeling a million times better. Damn drugs. I ended up on the couch again and once I took my temp was downing Tylenol and sipping water. It was up to 101.4 and it got up to 102.3. Tylenol helped and just sleeping in and out of the daze seemed to help. Tristen ended up getting a bloody nose which needed mommy not daddy and i did that with caleb's help because I could barely move much less think. At 8 the boys went down to bed (Ben feeling MUCH better by this time) and Caleb and I went at 9. After I was dead out on the couch I woke up covered in sweat. All night long I was burning up and then at 3am I woke up feeling amazing. I lost 5 lbs in the last day, am dehydrated to a point of I'm drinking as much water as possible, and I have no appetite, but I feel great. I have energy, I can think clearly (I tried to ask Caleb if he had my phone last night and it came out being something about tires and fires. I think I might have been hallucinating) and the boys aren't getting ignored. This is the first time that we have EVER gotten sick like this before. The boys' first time being sick and it's amazing to me. I don't know how moms do this yearly. I would have died without Caleb. Somehow it skipped Tristen and I am soooooooo happy about that. I get to go get my shot tomorrow which should be fun since I lost weight and the doctor won't be happy but there is nothing I can do about it. Here's to a good day of washing blankets and laundry and disinfecting the house. Thank goodness it only lasted 24 hours for me.

25 weeks

2011-01-28T03:53:00.000-08:00

How far along? 25 weeks!!!! I am excited to see how much he weighs. should be a little under 2lbs. :) If he's gaining the right amount of weight. And I can't believe i'm in the last trimester!!! HOLY COW!!!

Total Weight Gain? I am down 2 lbs from last week. Don't know where it went or why but it's no longer there. :)

Symptoms? Heartburn is still bad but it's gotten a little better. sleepy, tired, and worn out. and soooooooooo sore. my stomach and pelvis are hurting so bad. but the nurse said it was from ligaments.

Stretch Marks? yup! and a couple of them are getting dark. wasn't the dang lotion supposed to help???

Sleep? last night I went to bed at 930, knocked out until 1am and woke up for half an hour. then knocked out again until 530, I FEEL AMAZING!!!! though thats not normal. normal is sleeping for 2 hours and waking up, then keep doing that all night long.

Best Moment Last Week? Someone at the store asked me how far along i was! :) before now no one asked and it was kinda sad. but now i'm happy. lol.

Movement? LOTS. and it HURTS. I have a very strong soccer player. and daddy LOVES it.

Food Cravings? I really want a slurpee from 7-11. but they don't have any here. which is a very very sad thing.

What I miss? sleep, walking normally (can we say WADDLE) and being able to pick the kids up.

What I am looking forward to? The appointment on the something date. lol. i don't remember when it is. but also the 4th. taxes come back and we get to buy the nursery!!

Milestones? The last one was 24 weeks! next is 28 weeks! gosh i can't believe i'm almost there.

How is Daddy? He's excited to be able to put the nursery together. :) which makes me very happy.

Emotions

2011-01-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

Being pregnant around hard dates makes things a lot more emotional then they should be. The last week has been such an emotion whirlwind. I go from being completely normal to crying to laughing to yelling for no reason. This week has already been worse. Tomorrow marks 10 years since we lost my mom. And while everyone has always said that each year is supposed to be easier it seems like every year has gotten harder. Now that I have kids I have so many questions to ask my mom. About how she did 11 kids, what I was like when I was a baby. I want my boys to know what Grandma was like. I want her here to help me when each baby comes. and I just want her here. 10 years ago seems like so long. Yet so little. I wonder constantly what she would be like. If she'd still be dying her hair or if she'd enjoy having gray hair. If she'd be proud of me. Of who I've become and the mom I am. She's who made me want to be a stay at home mom. She is my inspiration. I miss her so much. But I remember so little now. I was 12 when she died. A time when I needed my mom the most. I grew up without her and never realized how much I would miss her now. I remember little things of her. like coming home from school and she'd be asleep across 3 chairs at the table. She loved to listen to Dr. Laura. She was short but man did you listen when she spoke. She loved us kids with all her heart and she always had time for us. She rooted us through sports and scouts. She was involved in school and in after school life. But that's where the remembering ends. I don't remember her voice or her smell. Specific memories of her are so few and hard to remember. I have one picture of her. I am having such a hard time this year. I just want her here. So bad. And I just don't understand why she can't be. I know I wouldn't be who I am now if she was here. I just miss her. I wish I could have her back for a day. And get to know her and ask her all the questions I have. But I can't and it just sucks. I want her here. I want my boys to know her. I love her so much and it's so hard to not have her here. I want Caleb to know her. I think they'd love each other. I know she'd adore him. And she'd love the boys. She always love her grandbabies. She only got to know 3 of her 12. The rest came after she died. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. Hopefully the kids can understand that I need a little extra love. I love you mom so much and miss you so much.

24 Weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-21T14:54:00.000-08:00

How far along? 4 weeks!!!!! And baby weighs about 1lb 12oz

Total Weight Gain? I'm no longer going to tell this. lol. I am now 6lbs under my prepregnancy weight. The zantac and progesterone can cause weight gain and water retention. which while it means that i'm still pregnant i'm having issues getting over it.

Symptoms? HEARTBURN!!! waddling, starving, peeing every 5 seconds, exhaustion, and bitchy. :) i'm sure there are more. i just can't remember. oh and my stomach feels like it's being used for a punching bag.

Stretch Marks? yeah. but at least i'm still pregnant. it's all i care about.

Sleep? i try. but it doesn't last long. i get up every couple of hours to either move or pee.

Best Moment Last Week? the boys got to feel Josh kick. It's the most amazing thing to see them happy about it.

Movement? LOTS. and it HURTS. I have a very strong soccer player.

Food Cravings? I've been eating Jambalaya NON STOP. Since last night. It's amazing. though it doesn't help my heartburn

What I miss? Sleeping, being supermom and super wife. and some other stuff. lol. ;)

What I am looking forward to? The appointment on the something date. lol. i don't remember when it is. but also the 4th. taxes come back and we get to buy the nursery!!

Milestones? 24 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have officially hit viability and it is a HUGE sigh of relief.

How is Daddy? Honestly i don't know. he doesn't talk much. and he doesn't have time to spend with the boys and i. its hard but just part of the military life.

Exhaustion

2011-01-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

Being a mom of two very energetic go go go kids and being pregnant again with a higher risk pregnancy is finally getting to me. The boys have stopped taking naps. Which means no me time. Which is when I would recharge my batteries. But now that that doesn't happen I'm finding myself getting exhausted and a little bit more bitchy every day. I know that most people think that being a stay at home mom is sooooooooooo easy. But how much do they really get? I also have a husband. Which is supposed to make things easier. So here is why I get stressed: Caleb and I get up at 630. I make breakfast, lunch, and coffee for him, then the kids when they wake up. I take care of the dogs and kids while Caleb finishes getting ready to leave. He plays with the boys for 15 minutes and then leaves. Then I try to get the kitchen in order, and play with the boys. Who LOVE to fight when I'm trying to get chores done. So it's a lot of screaming, crying, loving, cuddling, and more yelling from me. A lot of say you're sorry and hugs and kisses. Then while trying to get chores done I'm also cooking dinner which goes into the crock pot (i found if i do a crock pot then dinner is on time and i don't forget to cook). Then there is trying to keep up with the chaos, taking a sit down break because most days I start to cramp and have to lay down for an hour on the couch. Then Caleb gets home around 430-530, and at that point he sits at the card table and does homework and studies. At 6 when the dinner is done I feed the boys, and Caleb eats at the table. He has a friend that comes over around 6 for studying and then he leaves at 8. During that time I'm keeping the kids away from the men and then when his friend leaves Caleb is back to studying until 930 which is when he puts the books away and plays his video game for half an hour. We put the boys down at 830 usually. and we go to bed at 10. some days I take the boys to the park, and most days we ride bikes in the garage. once a week we go to the store, hospital, and just out. Most places I don't go on my own though because I can't pick up Tristen if he throws a fit, or move easily if the boys decide to have a freak out. So life just gets a little harder every day. I get more and more tiresome. And I hate it. I want to be back to myself. I'm hoping once the baby comes things are a little easier. But I know they will get more exhausting. Which I'm having issues thinking about. Stress comes so soon. and I'm not looking forward to it. Hopefully this weekend makes up for this and last week. Caleb isn't supposed to do anything for school and I'm looking forward to it.

23 weeks

2011-01-15T16:43:00.000-08:00

How many weeks? 23 weeks 1 day!

How am I feeling? Exhausted. But ok. I feel like every day I go a million miles a minute with no breaks. Tristen is getting more clingy towards me now that I can't pick him up and Ben just goes goes goes. He never stops. Tristen naps but Ben hasn't had a nap in almost 3 weeks. And I'm having slight freak out moments. When I realize that I have almost 2 to 3 months left before we have another baby I tend to freak out a bit.

Doctor’s Appointment? Last weeks was AMAZING! Everything is finally back to the "normal" pregnancy. Now we wait 4 weeks for OB and 6 weeks for another high risk.

Weight Gain? 9 lbs. I found out that with the progesterone shots I'm receiving that I can be gaining weight more quickly because it causes you to not process food as fast and there for you gain weight. It also causes you to not poop for a week and that has been the latest problem. lol.

Symptoms? Heartburn really bad. I forgot to talk to the doctor about this at the appointment. and I honestly might be calling them. I'm in a lot of pain most of the day and night. I can no longer put my shoes on easily, exhaustion (which is probably from running after the boys) and some random contractions. and I don't know if its a symptom but my freaking hips are KILLING me. and my thighs. right where my inside leg meets my crotch. lol. IT HURTS. I can barely walk sometimes.

Baby Preparation? I'm starting to sand the side table, we got a new dresser so that I can sand the old one down and re stain it for Josh. And we have our registry completely done. (This isn't for family members. We did it so we had a check list of what we wanted. :) )

Things on the pregnancy side have been going great this last week. I finally feel normal. The boys are LOVING seeing Josh on the ultrasounds and I am getting excited to finally start getting the nursery together. Life seems to finally be getting normal. I keep getting more and more scared of whats to come when we have Josh. I wonder how the boys will do. I'll be breastfeeding and that takes time. I'm hoping that the boys can get used to it. I hope the dogs do ok with a new baby. And I hope Caleb and I can make it with another baby. And I hope I can do another one. Some days my patience is not there. I can barely take care of the boys and adding another baby is scary. Then we move and buy a house immediately after he comes and that's scary. So the pregnancy is exciting. What comes after has me worried and nervous. I just hop and pray that I can make it through and be a great mom to all 3 of my boys.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-13T07:26:00.000-08:00

I finally had a FANTASTIC and AMAZING doctors appointment. The clot that was on my cervix that the doctor thought might be stealing baby's blood is GONE. His heart looks great, and my cervix is measuring perfectly. My weight gain is perfect and my blood pressure is perfect. I get one more ultrasound in 6 weeks to double check on the clot and then I could possibly be done with my high risk doctor. Until I start preterm labor (if it happens this time). Which at that point we'll get another cervix check and have more appointments with him. The shots are starting to hurt more. And i ache really bad after. Josh is also no longer measuring big. He's right on time at 22 weeks 6 days when i was 22weeks 5 days. So I'm back to my due date of may 15th and a hopeful of may 1st (the doctor said that 38 weeks would be amazing. :) ) So I have another appointment in 4 weeks with my normal ob and then high risk in 6. They gave me 6 ultrasound pictures this time of him sucking his thumb and we double checked that it was a boy. :) Now next month I can go shopping for nursery things. :) Which I'm very excited for!!!!

Project #1!

2011-01-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

Since we found out I was pregnant we knew we'd need another dresser. and I wanted to refinish a side table that had been my daddy's when he was a baby and then my brothers and sisters when we were babies and growing up. It was wood, then yellow, (pretty sure yellowed twice) and then I painted it blue. Well I bought a long dresser for $15 on craigslist and all that needs to be done is sanding and re staining. because I want to stain not paint. Caleb and I need a larger dresser so I decided that we'd take the dresser We bought and refinish the dresser in our room. So the first project is my side table. :) And since for Christmas I got a sander from my wonderful in laws I can now start them. :) I am just taking it one shelf a day. Nice and slow and I'm not ignoring my boys. So to start with a Pre photo and the first shelf after sanding. :) I'm very excited to finish this and start the next project which will be the BIG dresser. :) I'm very excited. But have to take it slow. Side table first. This will go next to our glider in the nursery. To hold water, snacks, and probably the breast pump. And books. But I can't wait to finish it and see what it looks like.

22 weeks.

2011-01-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

How far along? 22 weeks 2 days. How is it that we keep getting smaller? it makes no sense. But we are up to a pound (probably heavier since we were at 10oz when it was supposed to be 6oz. :)

Total Weight Gain? From the lowest weight I am up about 6ish pounds.

Contractions

2011-01-05T14:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight is going to be a night of worry. I'm contracting and they are worse then before. If I have 4 more in 45 minutes then I'll be heading to L&D. Why can't I just have a normal pregnancy? One not filled with worry that the next contraction is going to bring my world to a breaking point. I just want a break. I know last week was great. But can't I get more then one week? The migraine that is coming on is no help either. What is wrong with me??

Happy New Years!!

2011-01-04T20:21:00.000-08:00

Yup I'm late. Again. Only 4 days this time though. :) New years eve I got to do something I've always dreamed of (also happened with Thanksgiving). And that was throw a party! With friends and family to invite. We did cheese fondue, many many many dippables, chips and homemade clam and garlic dips, and then AMAZING desserts!!!

Pumpkin Cookies that my sis in law (Caleb's sister) used to make all the time.

Chocolate chip cookies made from this dough. I LOVE RAW DOUGH

And the cookies themselves.

Of course when things got busy the cook didn't think to take pictures. Which happens often. But it was fun. We had 2 sets of friends and then of course my bro and sis in law. :) WHO FOUND OUT THEY ARE HAVING A BOY TOO!!!!! I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo very excited and can't wait to meet him! I'm very happy for them. But we played games and at midnight we all toasted it in with sparkling apple cider. Since 3 our of 4 girls were pregnant and the one girl was breastfeeding a one week old. :) My brother and a friend had to drive home but since Caleb and his friend didn't lets just say they were toasty. :) Ben tried to stay up with us but...

Fell asleep at 1155pm. Yup only 5 minutes more and he would've made it.

Me looking energetic and Caleb looking toasty.

It was an amazing night and I it made me realize how much has changed since we started 2010. We've come so far. And 2011 seems to promise just as much change. Adding another boy to the family, moving across the country, and buying a house. I'll be leaving my new family here. Friends that have become sisters and brothers, nieces and nephews, and a sister in law and brother who I've come to depend on so much. It'll be hard to say goodbye. But I know I'll keep in contact and I know this won't be the last time I see them. They've become too important to me. I also know I'll make a new family in WA. And also get to be back with my real family. The boys will get to know their grandparents and aunts and uncles again. Which is exciting. And everyone will get to meet Josh. So while last year was good. This year is going to be amazing. :) Happy New Year to all. I hope this year brings you happiness and everything you could wish for.

SNOW!!!

2011-01-04T19:58:00.000-08:00

So the day after Christmas we were supposed to get anywhere from 4-8 inches of snow. Here in NC snow is supposedly a never happening thing. But boy is everyone wrong. We went to bed Christmas night at about midnight. And when we were woken up at 8am by Ben screaming it snowed BOY WAS HE RIGHT!!!! We had 6 inches already!!!! By the end of the day we had 8 inches. We went outside twice. The first time was just for 5 minutes because Tristen got cold and so did Ben. We didn't have any snow gear (it supposedly never snows here!) so we decided to do our best. with jackets and socks. And the second time out we played for over half an hour. This is Tristen's first snow and Ben's first snow that he probably remembers. We had snow when he was 1 but that was the last time we played in it. The boys loved it and so did I. We even got a snow man made!!!

Maggie and Tristen trying to figure out what this stuff is.

First steps out. And boy are we happy.

Ben liked to get Tristen with BIG snow balls.

Ben trying to get me but instead was gotten by daddy.

Tristen trying to get me but couldn't get the snow balls to fly far.

Caleb making our snowman.

Our amazing snowman and my 3 amazing boys. I can't believe next year it'll be 4!

So all in all the snow was a blast. The dogs ended up LOVING it. And so did we all. And it was the perfect excuse for hot chocolate. I'm hoping we get more before spring comes but who knows with NC.

Christmas 2011

2011-01-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

Yup I am almost 2 weeks late and just getting Christmas pictures and posts done. :) Having Caleb home for 2 weeks was amazing but it meant the computer wasn't really used a lot by me. Christmas was AMAZING. I was so scared that the boys wouldn't have a lot of presents since we only got the boys one present from Santa. Plus a stocking stuffer. Well we got all of the presents under the tree and all I could say was HOLY SHIT!!! They got spoiled freaking rotten. And there isn't a single thing they don't play with every day. So to start with Christmas eve we started a new tradition. Making Santa's Christmas cookies. :) Just sugar cookies with red and green frosting.

Tristen mostly ate the cookies and frosting

while Ben only wanted to make them. But we convinced him to eat one for pictures sake.

Then we did our tradition of opening our Christmas pjs. The boys get matching sets every Christmas. I love seeing them wearing them.

After that it was bed time and Santa and Mrs. Clause got started on making it a very special morning. We drank sparkling cider and got all the presents out of the shipping boxes. And oh my gosh did they get spoiled. And us too. So the next morning we woke up and kept the kids happy upstairs as long as possible so that we could skype with Caleb's family. We've done presents with them every year since Caleb and I got married so I thought it would make this year a little easier to watch us all open the gifts they sent us. I can't wait until next year when we'll be able to do Christmas together again. We opened presents and then played with all the gifts.

At noon it was time to start baking my mom's famous stickybuns for the dinner we were going to.

And we went and celebrated Christmas with our new friends that have become family and my brother and sister inlaw. It was an amazing dinner and full of fun. It also got us onto something BIG! (another post of course.) We got home early (around 7) since we were supposed to get ice and snow that day. And that's for the next post. :)

I am sorry that I don't have more pictures. All of the ones from opening presents Christmas morning are on my camera and honestly I'm too lazy to figure out where my cord went and put them on the computer and then onto the external. Maybe next year. :)

21 weeks

2011-01-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

How far along? 21 Weeks. Baby is the size of a Banana. (wasn't it bigger last week as a cantaloupe??

Total Weight Gain? I am now up 3 lbs from my lowest weight. Not too shabby.

Symptoms? HEARTBURN!!! IT BURNS!!!! I was given meds to help and they don't. Which I get a stronger one next week. I am having more contractions which scare the shit out of me. I hate having them. And they make me worry. I can't wait until the 12th when we get to see how my cervix is. Migraines are back. But that's from not sleeping i think.

Stretch Marks? Yes. And they don't bother me. THAT much. :) I'm just glad to have a growing belly. :)

Sleep? Lets just it doesn't last long. I'm exhausted during the day and still aren't sleeping as well as i want.

Best Moment Last Week? Caleb is feeling Josh kick A LOT. And I had major boob leakage after holding a brand new baby girl. I know it's weird but it means that hopefully I won't have any issues with breastfeeding.

Movement? Not an hour goes by that I don't feel him. Last night he treated my bladder like it was a trampoline.

Food Cravings? Nothing really. I'm having really bad "I hate food" moments again. Though this time I have my wonderful Caleb to make me eat. :)

What I miss? Sleeping, being able to carry Tristen, and being able to snuggle with the boys on my lap. Also sleeping on my belly.

What I am looking forward to? Appointment on the 12th which is an ultrasound and with my favorite doctor. And feeling baby kick even more. and in 3 weeks we hit viability. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to that day coming and passing with a baby still inside me. It'll mean my first goal has been met.

Milestones? Feeling him kick??? LOL. I read in my pregnancy book that outsiders won't be able to feel him kick for a couple more weeks. When Caleb has been able to feel since I was 19 weeks. So um...the book lies.

How is Daddy? WE LOOKED AT BABIES R US TODAY!!!!!! :) this means daddy is finally ok with getting excited. With all of the issues we've had he's been reserved (for good reasons. I have too) and he's finally ok with looking at things. And boy did we look. :) I'll post a looksy into what our future nursery and house will look like. :)

20 weeks!

2010-12-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

WOW!!!! I can't believe we are over half way done!! Where in the heck did the last 5 months go??

How far along? 20 weeks!!!! and baby is the size of the cantaloupe!!! Which I love to eat sprinkled with salt. :)

Total Weight Gain? I am sitting at loosing 20 and now gaining 2! YAY!!!! I think my brownie, ice cream, syrups, and whipped cream are the helpers. :)

Symptoms? a little heartburn. some cramping, NO BLEEDING!!!!!! It's been AMAZING!!!!

Stretch Marks? Yup! I got some more. And i don't care. :) It means that Josh is growing which is all I care about since I'm still kinda small.

Sleep? It's touch and go. I have no problem getting to sleep but every time I turn over (every half hour) I wake up so I can move again.

Best Moment Last Week? WE ARE HAVING A JOSHUA!!!! :) Caleb came home, AND Caleb got to feel Josh kick!!

Movement? Every hour!!! and Caleb is feeling them too. GOSH I'm in love so much already!!!

Food Cravings? Sushi. But I got some last week. :) I love it so much. Don't worry. It was raw fish free. :) except for one piece. But one piece won't kill me.

What I miss? Eating sushi. sleeping through the night. feeling normal.

What I am looking forward to? Christmas in 2 days!!!!! I'm so excited. :) and then we have a doctors on the 29th and the 12th. :) and on on the 20th of January we hit viability!!!!!! I can't wait for that moment.

Milestones? 20 weeks. :) We are now 5 months!!!!! And finding out the sex. And feeling kicking alot.

How is Daddy? He's getting more and more into it. :) I think really feeling the baby kick is making him more and more excited. :)

How it happened

2010-12-19T05:39:00.000-08:00

Many friends have asked how the opening of the letter went. I had a great idea to come home, caleb and I would sit in front of the camera and write down what we thought we were having. Then take a picture. Then open the envelope and whoever was right gets to hold up their sign and we'd take that picture too. Well we picked Caleb up (he JUST got home friday!!) and had to wait for half an hour while he had some briefings. We got in the car and he asked where the envelope was. And I told him in my purse. Well he opened it. Wouldn't stop. And then he showed it to me. I'm so happy. I love my boys. Sure I wanted a girl. Pink, dresses, hair doing (i have no clue how to do hair!), and mother daughter dates to the spa but now i get all 3 boys. And I'm excited. I'll get to spoil my sons in every way possible and enjoy it. I can't wait for april to get here!!!! And Caleb got to feel Josh kick!!! I'm absolutely loving having him home.

It's A...

2010-12-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are so happy! The official name is Joshua Caleb. I love that I'm queen to 3 princes. I love the thought of it. I'm so excited! a little part is sad. no dresses, pink, or mother daughter dates. But I'm soooooooooooo happy. :) Now we are trying to get a them for the nursery figured out. Caleb's home now so we are very very happy. :)

19 weeks

2010-12-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

How far along? 19 weeks!!!! Baby is the size of a mango! I LOVE MANGOS!!!

How am I feeling? I'm feeling better. I"m hungry finally. and want to devour everything in site!!!

Doctor’s Appointment? IT WENT GREAT!!!! I'm very happy with my high risk doctor. He's taking precautions for preterm labor and wanting to watch me closely. I LOVE IT.

Weight Gain? i gained 3lbs!!!! and then lost 2. so i'm still down 19lbs. but oh well!

Baby Preparation? Starting tomorrow we'll know more!!!! I can't wait to start buying things! but we are waiting until after christmas to decorate for the most part since the book case in the soon to be nursery needs to go down stairs and we have figure out where the tv is going. i might keep it here so i can watch it while feeding the baby.

Likes/Dislikes? I love that my high risk doctor. I hate the ob's i'm seeing. lol. i LOVE food. I hate puking. I love how amazing my kids have been and how attached they are to the baby already. I can't wait for caleb to see the baby on the 29th and 12th!!!! :)

4 years

2010-12-16T05:45:00.000-08:00

Today marks 4 years that Caleb and I have been married!!!! I can't believe how fast time has gone. It was a rough day. Ben had come 5 weeks earlier then planned. And my dress had been fitted for an overly large pregnant belly. And loosing 40lbs in 9 days made it so that it didn't fit the best. But no matter the trials that day brought it brought the most amazing thing in the world. The moment Caleb and I said "I Do". I got my husband. He is my rock. He is my everything. He supports me in everything I do. And I support him in everything. He spoils me rotten in love and companionship. It's hard to not have him here but he'll only be a day late. :) Some fun facts about the wedding!! We had a snow storm the night before so half the people couldn't come because they lived 4 hours away. I got a great wedding present of having my aunt from my mom's side come. I didn't know she was going to. And when she came it was like a part of my mom was there. I didn't cry the WHOLE wedding. Until my dad and I did our dance. He chose the song. And it was holes in the floor of heaven. Which had me bawling. and I swore at my daddy. I remember Caleb and I ran off to a different room and drank the sparkling cider alone. So to my husband. I love you. Here's to 4 years of amazing life with you. And here's to 96 more to come. We are gonna get the gold baby. I love you with all my heart. And I always will.

Ultrasound and It's a...

2010-12-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

It's an... envelope!!! lol. this has what we are having inside. I can't wait for Caleb to get home so we can open it!!! Only 2 days!!! I was thinking I'd have the chance to peek and see what it was. But the nurse was too good. So she did the ultrasound (did i tell you how much i LOVED having an hour and a half long ultrasound??) and when she finished I said " Wait. Aren't you going to find the sex?" and she goes "I already did. I'll go put it in an envelope." and I said "I didn't even get the chance to peek! When did you find out??" and she goes "I'm just that good." Darn nurse. Doing what i told her to. lol. Here's our little baby! And I got moved up to May 3rd as my due date!!!

We found out why we lost the twin. There is a blood clot on my cervix. The doctor said that it probably developed at 9 weeks and stole the twin's blood supply. It's also why I'm still cramping and bleeding. So I have to be monitored for that. In other news the doctor thought that because of my preterm labors with the boys I am in need of pain in my ass. I now get weekly progesterone shots. I can't remember anything else right now. I have another ultrasound in 4 weeks. Caleb's first. And another doctors appointment in 2 weeks. :) I love having doctors appointments all the time!!! :) Oh and Friday is when Caleb gets home!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!

Tomorrow's the day

2010-12-14T14:45:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my big ultrasound. We get lots of information.

1. find out the sex but don't really find out until the 17th.
2. see if the baby has downs.
3. see what my cervix is doing.

1. sounds weird but isn't really. Because Caleb isn't home right now I didn't want to find out the sex without him. He hasn't been here for much of this pregnancy and I didn't want him to miss finding out the sex with me. So the nurse is going to put the sex in a thick envelope and seal it. Caleb and I are going to open it on the 17th when he gets home. :) I can't wait!

2. We had blood drawn, checked the neck, and they are doing another check tomorrow. We have a history on my side of downs. We want to know if the baby has this so that we can be prepared. I'm still a little scared of this.

3. With contractions this last week and still cramping and bleeding i'm scared. If we have anything happen with my cervix then we are off to a cerclage. Which i'm scared of.

And lastly I'm just scared. Anytime I have a doctors appointment I get scared that they'll find something wrong. I just want everything to be perfect. I have lots of information to ask about at the doctors. But i'll update tomorrow!!! gotta babysit early so it'll be busy.

18 weeks and a new questionare!

2010-12-10T18:10:00.000-08:00

How far along? I am now officially 18 weeks! and baby is the size of a sweet potato :)

How am I feeling? Not so great. I'm still nauseous and want to puke every 5 seconds. But baby is moving and I'm very excited. :)

Doctor’s Appointment? I have one on the 15th with the high risk doctor! :) I'm very excited. It's also when they do the downs ultrasound and when we find out the sex. of course I won't know until the 17th since the sex is being sealed into an envelope until Caleb gets home so we can find out together. :)

Weight Gain? still down 20lbs. I gained a pound last week. But its gone. But i'm not loosing any more. I'm holding at a good 146. Yeah I was a little heavy. I like food.

Baby Preparation? We have a bassinet i got on craigslist. That i want to sell. and a glider from craigslist i want to sell. also the dresser I bought from craigslist that i was going to paint and redo i'm no longer able to so that has to be resold. Yeah i'm not liking anything. On the other hand when Caleb gets home and Christmas is over then i get to move the book case down stairs and we are bringing the crib up. :) I'm getting more and more excited. Of course by then I'll be able to fill my closet with clothes and such. :) I can't wait to find out!!!

Likes/Dislikes? I had contractions a couple nights ago. Which i dislike. A LOT. But so far aside from all the worrying i'm loving pregnancy. any time i feel the baby move i grow so much more in love. I love how the boys react to it. except ben now says "mommy! I have a baby just like you" and then goes and pushes his stomach out. lol. If only things were that easy. ALSO i LOVE buying clothes. :)

Rough Night

2010-12-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

So last night had me worse then most nights. I'm almost 18 weeks. And started having contractions and pressure inside. it lasted 2 or 3 hours and had me calling both my nurse sisters and the labor and delivery. they said to call this morning but more then likely since i've had two preterm labors and one premie baby that they'll be doing an ultrasound to check my cervix. if i'm shortening or funneling (i think these were the words she used) then i would be taken in for a cerclage. it stopped last night and i haven't had any issues this morning. but the nurse i talked to today said to just talk to the doctor when i see him on the 15th. lets just say i am pissed. i'm worried. i never had them this early. i'm scared. if i have even one more conrtaction i'm going in.

My Big Boy's Birth and 4 years later

2010-12-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ben is our first boy. His pregnancy was not planned but when we found out we were expecting we...well freaked out. We were both 18. Not even out of high school. With plans that didn't include a baby at that point. He was supposed to be a January baby. I don't remember my due date anymore. It was so long ago. He was born 5 weeks early. I'd been dealing with preterm labor since 32 weeks. My doctor was sure we would make it full term. But it didn't happen. On Dec 6th I ended up in the labor and delivery department. I was having regular contractions and it was too early. We stayed there until 2 or 3 am and then were sent home. I think we went in around 8pm. I remember not eating all night long. We went back to Caleb's for the night and both of us didn't have to go to work so we slept in. By this time it was the 7th. At 11am I woke up and sat up in bed and felt a little liquid. I'd been having sneezing issues (sneeze and pee lol) and thought it was that. But I wasn't sure. So I ended up calling one of my trusted sisters who said to smell it. If there was no smell i needed to go to the hospital immediately. Well after Caleb and I both smelled the bed (there was only 2 drops on it) we decided that there was no smell and I called the doctors. I was told to come straight in and they would check me. I went in and they did the strip test and I remember the doctor looking at me and saying "well you aren't going home without a baby now! So go over and get comfy and I'll be there soon" Caleb and I were amazed. It was finally time to meet our little Ben. We went over to the hospital (it was across the road) and were settled into a room. I wasn't having any contractions at this point (Around 1:30pm) so they decided to put me on pitocin. Which started to get me going. We called the families. And said it was time and then we focused on trying to deal with the pain. At this point Caleb ran to the store to get snacks for him (we were told to expect 20 hours for labor) and I think my inlaws and a family friend came. I don't remember alot after this point. I know mom brought Caleb burgerville, and Caleb got peanut m&m's and cheese its from the store. I remember my father inlaw was watching the races on my tv (i didn't care what was on and he looked a little scared in the room) I remember getting my first shot of drugs (I did IV only drugs) and that shit knocked me out completely the first time i got it. Then things started getting a little scarier for me. I started to feel more pain. and I was starving. I hadn't eaten since the day before except for JELLO which the nurses let me have. Caleb was helping me breath through the contractions at this point and I hated him for it. He kept eating peanut m&m's (which is also my favorite food) and breathing the smell on me. I wanted them so bad. The nurse came in and I asked her if I could have some. She said "I'm going to turn around to do my charts now". I scarfed a handful down and about 5 minutes later I regretted it so much. I ended up throwing up. I don't remember what time it was. The pain was getting unbearable again so I asked the nurse for my second round. She gave it to me and when it didn't have the same effect as the first one I flipped out on Caleb. Saying she gave me water. She didn't give me drugs. She wants me in pain. And yes I believed this! lol. At about 730 or 745 the doctor came in to check me. And this memory stands out so much to me. So the doctor comes in. And says "ok i need to check her so everyone out" my parent inlaws were in the room along with a family friend. Well mom and the friend left and the doctor sits in between my legs. he turns around and dad is still sitting on the couch watching the cars!!! LOL! so he cleared his throat and dad looks over and goes "oh uh by". at that point the doctor said i could finally push and at 8pm on the dot after 10 minutes of pushing we had our little baby boy. It's amazing to me. I can't believe it's been 4 years. He's grown so much. He knows his ABC's, numbers, and is starting to get writing down. He's so much Caleb's boy. And so much mine. He's the perfect boy. He's the most amazing big brother. And I just love him. I wouldn't give him up for the world. I'm loving watching him grow up. But I hate that Caleb is missing so much. And my inlaws and dad. I really hate that my mom isn't here to see them. But that's another post for another day. So to my baby. Happy birthday. I love you my big boy. And you amaze me every day with all the new things you teach me.

17 weeks!!

2010-12-03T06:33:00.000-08:00

How far along? 17 weeks and we are now onion size.

Total Weight Gain? I am now down 18 pounds!

Symptoms? bleeding again. cramping again. nausea but its not as much. tired all day everyday, headaches are back too. and back pain and the new one is BLOODY NOSES.

Stretch Marks? Just the 2 on belly and then some on thighs.

Sleep? Its back to not being much. BLAH.

Best Moment Last Week? Hearing the heart beat! :)

Movement? YES!!!!!!! :) At least 2 or 3 times a day. i'm LOVING it.

Food Cravings? nothing really. i'm finally eating more but nothing for cravings.

What I miss? my husband.

What I am looking forward to? the 15th appointment. :) SEX TIME!!! and the 29th which is my next ob appointment and Caleb gets to come for the first time!!!!

Milestones? Feeling kicking!

How is Daddy? Sad he's missing everything.

Seriously????

2010-12-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

So I had a 16 week appointment today. And all I can say it was the most worthless appointment I have EVER been to! The doctor was a complete moron. I'm supposed to have an ultrasound today because I'm still bleeding and cramping. Well the computers are down so the doctor didn't know 1. I needed an ultrasound 2. About the twin issue 3. About the bleeding and cramping issues 4. about the weight issues. So i asked about the ultrasound and was told it was being used and I'd have to wait until my next appointment. The bleeding he had NO info on so I'm on my own until the 15th when I can talk to my high risk doctor. And the weight issue. I need to gain weight. SERIOUSLY???? NO SHIT! so I asked what would be the best way and he said eating. i said i could barely eat and he said i could be prescribed something to help. but I'm not nauseous unless I think about eating food that sounds gross. So I came home pissed off. my weight is down 3 more pounds from what they had last, my blood pressure was fine, and I'm measuring big. I have my next appointment on the 15th and then another one on the 29th. I've been moved to every 4 weeks instead of every 6 with ultrasounds given each time. And then I have high risk appointments every 4 weeks too. :) so I'm gonna be getting LOTS of ultrasounds and doctor visits. As long as it's not with the doctor I saw today I'll be happy.

Gone again

2010-11-29T06:15:00.000-08:00

Caleb left again today. But thankfully its only for 20ish days. But this time no letters which means no contact what so ever. It's only been 4.5 hours since he left and I can already say this is going to be the hardest separation for the boys. We took Caleb at 430 this morning. Got home at 5ish and went to bed. at 630 i woke up to kids screaming in my face for daddy. I tried to take care of them but they wanted daddy. We've never been this hard. They eventually fell asleep in bed with me but man am I exhausted. Caleb being gone this month is harder then it ever has been. With the last 2 months he was gone he didn't miss alot. We had a couple unimportant doctors appointments and that was it. This month he's missing our 4 year anniversary, Ben's 4th birthday, and the revealing of the sex for this birthday. This is the second year he's missed our anniversary and birthday. And while I know its part of the military life we chose it still sucks. It's still hard. It doesn't help that my hormones are so out of wack i can't think straight. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. Watching your husband pack all of his things is hard. Knowing that soon you won't get to hear his voice except for whats on his voicemail. Which yes I call often. Watching him read his last book to the boys at bedtime and then try to explain that he has to leave again was the most difficult. And yes. I cried a lot. Its hard to see Caleb so sad. I know he hates leaving us. But I'm hoping that the time flies. I started babysitting so that I could save for a big present for Caleb for his Christmas/Anniversary and after only babysitting 2 weeks I have enough!!!! I'm very happy. The girls I'm watching are awesome. They are the same age as Ben and Tristen and very easy. I love it. Hopefully the ultrasound tech can hide the sex from me and then when I'm not watching write it down on a flash card and put it in the thick envelope. That way when Caleb gets home we can find out together. I hope that the most. He hates not being here for this. He'll have missed half of the pregnancy by the time he gets back. But its the boring part. He'll be home for kicking and the rest of our doctors appointments. And hopefully the birth. Right now we don't know if that's 100%. I hope it is. I have a lot to hope for. Also that I can get to at least 36 weeks pregnant. While most people want their baby's before that I'm praying I can keep mine in to 38 or even 40 weeks. We shall see. Hopefully on the first the doctor can tell me why I keep bleeding and cramping. Its been 5 weeks since I first started bleeding and I can get one or two days in a row without bleeding and then it starts up again. And the Internet is no help. Which royally sucks. We got Christmas lights up a couple of days ago!!! Which was exciting to me. I've never got to decorate the outside of our house. And now we have lights up. Today I'm finishing with the windows. And Wednesday I'm going to the Dollar tree for some sticky window stickers and inside decorations. I can't wait to make my house Christmasy!! :) We get our tree on the 6th which I'm again VERY EXCITED FOR!!!! :) So while having Caleb gone sucks ass like no other. I have many things to look forward to and to love. To make memories for our boys. And to take pictures for Caleb so he can see what we did. Tonight will be hard. Caleb read stories to the boys at night and they hate when I do. The last two weeks we all started getting back to normal. Now its back to chaos. But the kids are hungry, the girls are making a mess with their cereal, and the dog is barking. OH!!! We get Maggie back today!!! :) But i gotta go.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T05:24:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was a BLAST!!! We set the oven on fire, the turkey got done 3 hours early, and when people got here I was still in my cooking clothes (sports bra, wifebeater, and sweat pants with a hairband in.) so i ran upstairs and got dressed. We had my sister inlaw and brother, a friend and her daughter, another friend and husband with 2 daughters, and then 5 other friends. It was a blast. I can't believe how much food there was. Everything tasted amazing. and everyone was happy. The men probably because they were toasty on beer. Fun was had by all. We had the MOST AMAZING NEWS THOUGH!!!!! My SISTER INLAW AND BROTHER ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!! After 10 years it finally happened. :) I am so excited. She is due 5 days after me and this will be the FIRST grandbaby (there are now 12) that has my maiden name. :) I am so excited. so very very excited. So fun was has by all. I am so thankful that Caleb was home this year, that we are stationed with my brother an sister inlaw, and that we have met new friends that have turned into our family. Life is truely perfect. Amazing. And wonderful. I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Oh i didn't get any pictures except one of me and my sister. Which is my 16 week pregnancy picture.

16 weeks!!!!

2010-11-26T05:12:00.000-08:00

How far along? 16 weeks! Baby is the size of an avocado!!!!!!! :)

Total Weight Gain? I'm down 20lbs still. I thought last night i would gain weight but i lost it.

Symptoms? bleeding again. cramping again. nausea but its not as much. tired all day everyday, headaches are back too. and back pain.

Stretch Marks? Just the 2 on belly and then some on thighs.

Sleep? I LOVE IT!!! :) Caleb is home and I love snuggling with him. :)

Best Moment Last Week? we found out my sister inlaw is pregnant! post on that to come. :)

Movement? I think once last week but nothing other then that.

Food Cravings? Lumpia and Turkey skins. :) everything thanksgiving. if only i could have eaten it.

What I miss? Eating. I want to eat like i used to. Thanksgiving was a little sucky cuz i think i ate one or two things but thats it.

What I am looking forward to? The 1st and 15th appointment. :)

Milestones? I'm 16 weeks!!!!! I have an appointment on the first and i'm excited. :)

How is Daddy? Excited. Thats all he has to say. lol. :)

15 weeks!!!!

2010-11-19T06:10:00.000-08:00

How far along? 15 weeks!!!! The baby is the size of a naval orange!!! :)

Total Weight Gain? I actually have NO CLUE! I haven't weighed myself in a week.

Symptoms? bleeding again. cramping again. nausea but its not as much. tired all day everyday.

Stretch Marks? Just the 2 on belly and then some on thighs.

Sleep? I LOVE IT!!! :) Caleb is home and I love snuggling with him. :)

Best Moment Last Week? Caleb came home!!!!!!! :)

Movement? I'm still convinced that I've felt something once or twice a week. :)

Food Cravings? Mt DEW. lol. yeah i really want to drink it. but i'm trying to stay away from the caffeine.

What I miss? Peace of mind.

What I am looking forward to? The 1st and 15th appointment. :)

Milestones? Just getting past the first trimester. I can't wait till 16 weeks. :)

How is Daddy? He's worried about me. and getting attached to the little baby. :)

Marriage advice

2010-11-16T12:09:00.000-08:00

I got this in an email and thought it was super cute. :)

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?   (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3.  HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4.  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5.  WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6.  WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7.   IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8.  HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is .......

9.  HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Home and Thankful!

2010-11-15T06:35:00.000-08:00

The wonderful sexy hubby is home!!!!! And I couldn't be happier. :) He was supposed to come home yesterday (Sunday) but I had talked to a contact that said he might come home Saturday. Well when he didn't call by noon I had thought he wouldn't be home. BUT he knocked on the door and surprised me!!!! I was still in jammies (i'd been doing chores) and I looked gross. AND HE GETS TO STAY HOME FOR 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) yup i'm excited! It took a couple minutes for Ben and Tristen to realize who the stranger with long hair was but when they did they both screamed daddy! and ran for Caleb's arms. Which meant my time was done for a couple hours. I am so excited he's home. He'll be home for Thanksgiving which is the most exciting thing for me. and we are hoping that he gets to come to our doctors appointment on the 1st. I also told him about the ER visit and all the issues I've been having since I know that family will ask about it. Plus the whole I was having twins thing is fun to tell people. :) Having Caleb home though has been amazing. Whenever he leaves every time he comes home it seems like we are teenagers in love again. We both agree that we haven't left the honeymoon period. And we've been together for 5 years and married for almost 4. Everyone said at one year we'd be out of the fun phase. But we are still there. I love having him here. He reminds me what i'm thankful for. I'm so thankful I have him. He's the most amazing man in the world. He's the most amazing dad. And husband. I couldn't have gotten luckier. I'm very thankful for my family that is here. I have a brother and sister inlaw. And I have two step in brothers that are uncles to the boys. They are Caleb's best friends in the army. I have my friend here too. I'm learning what good friends are. I lost all my friends mostly when my mom died 10 years ago. To a 6th grader loosing a mom is contagious. So everyone backed away from me. Then when I got pregnant and married and had a kid i lost the rest. Everyone was in the party phase and i was in the mom and wife phase. I found a friend here though. A true friend that understands everything. She has 2 kids. Same age as mine. We are the same age and amazingly have the same views in life! On raising kids to taking care of our husbands. She's still much better at keeping her house clean but i'm convinced she has a cleaning fairy. We are both army wives and both of our husbands were gone. While mine wasn't deployed she understood the not being able to talk to him when i was having a bad day. I have to say she's become a rock. And no matter where we are stationed I'll always stay in touch with her. I'm thankful for her. She's taught me how to be a friend and that I can have someone to vent to about everything. I'm grateful for the army. It has provided us with the best life ever. Sure Caleb is gone but we have a steady job. Insurance that we don't pay arm and leg for. A beautiful house that I never thought we would have. And 2 puppies. And another baby on the way without freaking out about it. It has provided peace in our family. The thing I'm most grateful for is that I'm still pregnant. I never had this problem with the boys. But I've been spotting constantly still and cramping. I'm scared to death to loose this baby. Because I'm very attached. And so are the boys. I'm thankful for the family we have made here. We are not spending Thanksgiving alone. Instead we are throwing a huge dinner here with family and friends. And i'm VERY excited. :) I love playing hostess. And I'm excited to throw our first big dinner. I'm thankful that I have 2 very amazing boys. They keep me going when I am having a rough day. And they show me the amazing things in life. I have an amazing life. And I'll never take that for granted. So many people have what I want. Kids, a wonderful husband, and a wonderful life. We may not have money growing on trees. But life is perfect for us. We have happiness and love and that is all that really matters in life. I couldn't be happier. Or more thankful. Its good to remember what life is really about. Not materialistic things. But feelings. Happiness with life and who you are. Excepting the things you can't change. And not stressing about the stupid stuff. Live life with waking up happy every morning. Well I'm done going on. Kids are ready to play games and I still have chores. Have a happy Thanksgiving if I don't post before then!

14 weeks

2010-11-13T08:15:00.000-08:00

How far along? 14 weeks 1 day! I can't believe we've gotten here. :)

Total Weight Gain? I am officially down 20 lbs! yeah this is not a good thing. I'm look nice and pregnant though so not to worried.

Symptoms? lets see: nausea, vomiting, migraines, bloody noses, cramping and LOTS of spotting and bleeding. I'm not doing well today. I've been spotting the last week and today it got heavy. The last time I bled this bad is when we lost the twin. I'm hoping and praying that we aren't loosing this one. I'd be devastated. Also the freaking GAS! i just ran from my room because of it. lol!!!!

Stretch Marks? Just a few around my belly button. and then some on my thighs. though i think i've had them for a while. lol.

Sleep? Sleeping has been a little better. Last night though i got an hour or two of sleep because Tristen came in to snuggle.

Best Moment Last Week? I think it was last week but it might have been the week before but i got my GLIDER!!! for 30 bucks!!!! I love craigslist!!!!! :)

Movement? I'm still convinced that I've felt something once or twice a week. :)

Food Cravings? Nothing. I don't want to eat right now.

What I miss? Being able to enjoy the pregnancy. Not worry about everything. The bleeding and the spotting and learning about the twin has made it so I analyze everything. It just sucks. I miss getting excited. Now i go to the store and think will i get to use this? or if i buy this how long until i'll be returning it. I hate it. I want to get excited and enjoy.

What I am looking forward to? My appointment on the 1st and 15th!!!!! And honestly tomorrow! Caleb comes home tomorrow!!!! And leaves Monday. For 2 weeks. I can't wait to have my hug.

Milestones? Just getting past the first trimester. I can't wait till 16 weeks. :)

How is Daddy? I'll ask tomorrow!!!! :) I can't wait to have him home even if its a short amount of time

13 weeks!

2010-11-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

How far along? 13 weeks! (in 1.5 hrs) though my ultrasound says i'm 14.5 weeks.

Total Weight Gain? We are now down 17 lbs. I haven't been this skinny since last year. lol. though i definitely look pregnant!

Symptoms? Cravings, nausea all day, a little vomiting again, very sensitive smell, starving but not being able to eat, and VERY HORNY. lol. though that could be from 7 weeks of no sex. GOSH I WANT IT! Caleb comes home in a week and first thing i'm doing is jumping him. lol.

Stretch Marks? The two from tristen are gone down.

Sleep? What is that? It might be because I don't have my snuggle buddy or the pregnancy or just plain tiredness but I'm sleeping maybe 3 or 4 hours a night. Most nights I cry myself to sleep.

Best Moment Last Week? I got to see my baby!!! and She's big. :) So cute. Well hopefully SHE.

Movement? I swear i feel something every once in a while. The doctor was doing the ultrasound and i jumped when the baby kicked even though i was yelling at Tristen and the doctor said i had felt her.

Food Cravings? Currently? Chile with cheese, chips (pringles sound so good) and apples. i LOVE apples.

What I miss? Being able to work out, eating, being able to do anything with out being exhausted.

What I am looking forward to? Caleb being home in a week!!!!!!! and we have the date for the sex determining ultrasound!!!!! December 15th!!!! :) and movement.

Milestones? We are into the 2nd trimester!!!!

How is Daddy? I don't know. I think he misses us. alot. we'll see in a week. :)

Interesting!

2010-11-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well today was interesting. To say the least! LOL! I went into my doctors appointment and was taken back to the ultrasound tech. She was very nice and very ok with the kids being there (i've decided they need to see the baby as much as I do so they can get used to it) Ben LOVED the baby. And Tristen. Well he's going to need some work. Half way in she asked if i had any bleeding and i said yup! and she said ok. Well she got all the pictures she needed and Ben was so cute. He asked if he could have a picture of his baby sister. :) so cute. So she printed one off just for him. What a lucky boy!! I got a picture of her foot. So then my doctor came in and first thing he said to me is to get fat. lol. I've lost 15 lbs so far. and eating has still not picked up. So he goes and does his own ultrasound and again asks if i had bleeding. I said yes and he says ok. I didn't like this answer so I asked if everything was ok. He asked me how many babies i was having and I replied 1. He said well you were having two. until about 9 weeks when this one passed. I said I didn't understand and He said that there was a sac and placenta and baby. but the baby was measuring at 9 weeks and had no heartbeat. I said oh ok. And it went on. But because of this if the baby isn't naturally absorbed into me by the baby's birth then there could be some bad issues. first and formost would be preterm labor. JUST WHAT I NEED! So i'm being kept a close eye on. They also did the downs blood test and looked at the neck. (something about neck telling us the chance of downs baby) for those of you that don't know me we have 2 children in my family with downs. I will not be terminating this pregnancy if my child has downs but i want to be able to be ready if it does. I also told the doctor that we will be declining the amnio. Which he was fine with. More risks come with that and i'm high enough on the risk factor as it is. So I have my appointment set for December 1st with my normal doctor and then December 15th for our BIG ANATOMY SCAN!!! and yes. I'M VERY EXCITED!!!! Getting to find out the sex is very big on my list. And we'll find out the day before our 4th anniversary.

Lovely Pregnancy Hormones

2010-11-02T14:26:00.000-07:00

Today started out amazing. I got up and was in a great mood and we headed out. My appointment got mixed up and is not until tomorrow which meant that I had to reschedule Ben's appointment but still no issues. We got home and everything was still fine. Then I got Caleb's letter and my mood plummeted. I miss him so much. I want him home. I'm lonely. And honestly I'm HORNY. yes i just said that. lol. sorry to family members that read that. He's having fun out there and everything is going great. I just miss having him here. I miss my husband and my best friend. Because that is what he is. He's my everything. It's hard not having him here. For the baby appointments. For the new things the boys are doing. To help me figure out our life. And to keep me calm when I get into my freak out moods. Which is happening more and more. I can't wait for these 12 days to fly by. I want it hurry. I wish I could just sleep it away. I read his letter out loud to the boys and cried after. Ben looked at me and asked if I was ok and I said yes. and then he said "it's ok mommy. I miss daddy too. He'll be home soon though. Does your tummy hurt? we can have candy to make it better" which made me smile and we indeed went and got candy. He's my little Caleb. He makes me feel better and gives me my hugs when i need them. I know that 8 weeks is nothing to some people. And if i wasn't pregnant I'd probably be ok. I know some of the women who's men are deployed hate that i miss him. But while i don't have to deal with the fact that Caleb could be in a war zone i still don't talk to him. i don't get to skype him, write daily emails, or anything. I get a letter a week. Today's was a page. Because he didn't have time. I don't have a group of wives here to talk to. Because we don't have an FRG. We don't have anyone to get together with that understands. Or that isn't all gung ho about it. Because honestly right now i'm not. I'm sad, i'm lonely. and i want to throw a fit. a really big one. I don't want to be strong for me or my kids. i want to be able to just cry. pound on my husbands chest. just get out the frustration and loneliness. It just sucks. But it's part of the military.

2010-10-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

How far along? 12 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Total Weight Gain? now down 14lbs.

Symptoms? morning sickness came back yesterday. but i'm doing ok. nausea is still here, and achy boobs. and leg aches. oh and bloody noses.

Stretch Marks? just the ones from tristen

Sleep? i blame it on Caleb. But i often cry myself to sleep. and when i wake up its hard to fall back asleep. I'm missing him so much.

Best Moment Last Week? Getting to see the baby!!! 3 times! (once at the normal doctors visit, once at the er, and once at the follow up.

Movement? I know people are going to be like "no way" but i swear i felt it yesterday and the day before. just once. but it wasn't gas. it was in one spot. and felt like a kick.

Food Cravings? green apples. oh my gosh i love them. otherwise food is gross.

What I miss? Not being able to do ANYTHING. i want to move stuff and i can't. oh and caffeine. i've completely taken myself off of it.

What I am looking forward to? Seeing caleb in 2 weeks. :) and then finding the sex out.

Milestones? 12 weeks!!!!! We have officially made it to the second trimester!!!

How is Daddy? I wish i knew. It's hard not having him here and i know he misses us alot. we miss him too.

Kids Growing Up

2010-10-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated on the boys. In a LONG time!!! Normally I do that when I call everyone at least once a week. So I thought I'd do an update on them! Ben is my oldest. He was 6lbs 10oz when he was born. 5 weeks early. He was supposed to be a big baby. Today he is 3years 10 months. 37 lbs. and quite tall at 43inches tall. So that puts him at the 10th percentile for weight and 98th for height. lol. supposedly he is underweight and over tall. lol. Tristen is 2.5yrs old and 27lbs (15th % (i think) and 35inches which is 50th %. So we are doing Halloween this year. We didn't last year because I was alone and scared to take two kids on my own. But the year before we did. Ben was almost 2 and Tristen would have been 5 months old. Tristen was my little pumpkin and Ben was my little Dracula. They were so small then.

now they are big. and older. and pirates. :) We are going as a family of pirates. minus our daddy.
Ben is now very into writing letters and drawing. Tristen loves to draw...on my floors (carpet) and walls. Which really pisses me off and we have now thrown out every last marker and we only have markers. that are high up. They both talk up a storm. It's amazing how my baby boys have grown so much. and now we are adding another one. It's exciting and crazy and scary. We have everything figured out right now. But we are also missing a part of us. This is our last baby. Caleb and I both feel this. It's exciting to watch this baby grow. and to know what this baby will grown into. A big kid. Who talks and draws. But I'm also excited to hear the first cries, breastfeed, crawl, walk, and be a baby. i want that so much. I hope and pray that Caleb is able to be there for all of this. But i know he won't. i know he'll be gone for most of it. and that he'll be missing out. Which is why i plan on making every day he's with us amazing. Lots of memories for the boys and this baby. For Caleb and I. It's hard to think about Caleb missing out on the baby. He was there for everything with the boys. And i wish he could be there for this baby too. It's hard. But enough of downing. Kids are doing great. and Growing huge. :) I'll post Halloween pictures sometime soon. probably in a month. since i'm always behind. lol.

Frustratingness and goodness

2010-10-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

Where to start with today? I guess at the begining is the best play. I got up at 5am. Switched clothes over, and took my shower. Came back down stairs and because my dryer NEVER dries on the first load restarted the dryer. All of our pants were in there. Then i went and got make up and hair done. Got the kids up at 730am (they went to sleep around midnight i think) and got them dressed and threw bags of Charms (cereal) and juice boxes in the purse and we were off. At 8am we went and got WIC. Which went well. Except that supposedly Ben is far too underweight and I'm starving him. Says the lady who say him eat a ziplock bag of cereal, 2 bananas, his muffin and mine. And thats NORMAL. So he's in the 98th % for height (duh. see my family!) and 10th for weight. which means he's just long and lean. I'm to start feeding him fat on everything. so LOTS and LOTS of cheese. mind you he doesn't like cheese. and they took my whole milk away and gave me 2%. BOOOOO. Tristen is in the 59th% for height and 10th for weight. I have skinny kids. what can i say. lol. But because he's not SUPER tall and SUPER skinny he's fine. So Ben is to start eating more. Me too. The lady looked at me like i was nuts when i said i eat maybe 2 meals a day with a few snacks here and there. Let me explain. If i think about food. I want to puke. If I'm not hungry and try to eat. I PUKE. If I try to eat something i don't crave I PUKE. But since i've lost 12 lbs now i'm needing to eat more. Thanks lady. any thing else i should know? So then i FINALLY got on the phone with the same day appointment lady. And had an appointment at 945. Did i mention she told me this at 915 and i was still at the WIC office. So we got everything done with WIC and headed over to the hospital. Got to see an actual doctor. first time ever! and he checked me out and said everything was fine and if i didn't bleed again then i would be 100%! BUT. I am now seeing a high risk doctor. I also got to set up my appointment for 4 weeks instead of 6. and i'll have my ultrasound in 5. hopefully Caleb can be home. So as i was leaving my room a police officer said he needed to talk to me and if we could go into the room again. He had a nurse with him and i had NO clue what was going on. Well it turns out that some BITCH (yup i'm going to start swearing so put on your earmuffs.) decided it was her public duty to call in and put an annonymous tip in that i was BEATING my kids at the doctors office. for one thing they made us wait 2 HOURS to get in because they had to wait for the cop to get there. Of course 2 boys are going to get bored, hungry, and antsy. so I spanked Tristen once and then i was playing with them trying to keep them preoccupied. Well the officer had talked to the nurses (who kept looking in on us in the waiting room) and the receptionists and found out that i hadn't abused my kids and the most i had done was spank lightly. Because of the pants it didn't even phase Tristen. The cop said to not discipline in public and when asked how to keep my kids from acting out he said he didn't know. But people liked to make everything their business and to just be careful. I am just FLABBERGASTED my this person who though i was beating my kids. and very pissed. If i ever find out who it is i might beat them. But then we got home, took a 4 hour nap, AND got a letter from my hubby!!!!

So BAD: cops got called on me in the hospital. and Ben and I are not weight appropriate

GOOD: Baby is great, I'm Great, Kids are Great and I got a letter. so meh. All in all a good day with a rough part. oh and guess how much milk i get a month from wic. 11 and a half gallons!!! THATS CRAZY! But i think we would honestly drink it. If only i could get whole and not 2%. oh well!

ER visit yesterday

2010-10-24T09:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday turned out to be a very hectic day filled with many freak outs, panic attacks, and just crying. I woke up to a little bit of cramping that went around my whole stomach. I thought it was the ones you get when you have to poo. well they continued on and i didn't think anything of them. I cleaned up stairs and moved a book care around and went down stairs to start on mopping the floor. I got about 2 feet in and felt a gush that felt like my period started. i ran to the bathroom and started freaking out. there was blood. and lots of it. I called my sister in law (who was on their way for dinner here) and didn't get an answer. Then i called my friend Brit and she tossed her two kids in the car and got on her way over here. Then I called my sister Nan (she's a baby nurse and has triplets) and she helped me figure out what to do. I had no idea what number to call since they only give you one for when you are over 20 weeks. Britney got here and brought a friend with her who was going to stay and watch all 4 kids. We got outside and my brother and sister in law ended up pulling up. So the women stayed home with the kids while Cleve took me to the ER. We got in and they got us in in half an hour. and asked that i get undressed and into a robe thing. I got it on and took my pants off and started bleeding all over their floor. and i had NO CLUE what to do. I told Cleve who came in and got a nurse. Who i then kept apologizing to. I apologize for everything. Well we got me in the bed. And everyone started to clean up the room and me. my bp was up because of it but i was ok. We got into the ultrasound and exam and everything was fine. I had a swollen cervix but it was completely closed and there were no issues with the placenta and baby has a very nice strong heartbeat. :) my little angel is hanging in there. Then we got taken back to the room and i got my stick in the ass. RoGham. It hurt like NO OTHER. I've gotten it 6 times before but it still hurts. I have to get it because I'm RH- and both boys are positive. So in reality my blood could start to attack the baby's. You can google RH negative and it'll tell you more. So they said to take it easy and call in Monday for a new appointment that was to be a lot sooner then 6 weeks. They also said because of this and my preterm labor I'll be seeing a high risk doctor now. We got home and Welma had made AMAZING food. Which I'm still eating today. It's the most amazing stuff in the world. So for two days i am on the couch watching my boys do things and feeding them. It sucks but I'll do anything to keep my little baby here. So yesterday was an emotional day. and They told me I had a attempted miscarriage. so not fun at all. today is better. no bleeding and the kids are behaving for the most part. I just wish my hubby could be here to hug me and hold me.

11 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

How far along? 11 weeks!!!

Total Weight Gain? down 11 now.

Symptoms? peeing. i never did this before. but now i pee every 5 minutes. and then nausea. if i think of food i want to puke. which is probably why i'm loosing weight.

Stretch Marks? still just the few from Tristen.

Sleep? getting more.

Best Moment Last Week? 100% the ultrasound. I had my first doctors appointment and got an ultrasound because the midwife couldn't find the heartbeat with a doppler. which freaked me out like no other.

Movement? nope. maybe 5 more weeks! :)

Food Cravings? Green apples!!! I LOVE THEM. i eat about 6 a day. its the one food i love.

What I miss? just caleb. i love being pregnant so its fun.

What I am looking forward to? my 16 week ultrasound and seeing caleb in 3 weeks!! :) i can't believe its almost time!

Milestones? First doctors appointment!

How is Daddy? really missing us and sad he can't be there. otherwise i have no clue.

Baby appointment!

2010-10-20T15:05:00.000-07:00

Meet the newest little baby Hastings!!!! I had my doctors appointment today and it was a rough start. It started out with me not going to bed until 1am because i wrote Caleb a letter. Then at 3am Tristen came in saying he had a tummy ache. so he got a tums and back to bed. My appointment was at 8am and i had to be there 15 minutes early. The thing is i didn't wake up until 741am. and i freaked out. i got a 5 second shower, threw the kids their clothes while i got dressed and loaded them up. Ben was all dressed except for shoes and socks and Tristen was in underwear. I did pack clothes for him though!!!! lol. I got them to the babysitter and threw them inside and left. I got to the doctors office at 803am and ran inside. I told them i was late and was ready to beg to be seen but quite a few people had canceled and they saw me immediately!!!! So i got into the room and the nurse pulled a prank on the midwife. after things got settled down she took notes and we got to the fun business of the doppler (what they use to hear the baby's heartbeat.) after what seemed like hours but really was only minutes she couldn't find the heartbeat. If this has happened to you then you know your hear drops and you freak out. the worst thoughts ever enter your mind and you think how you have to sell everything you have and your hope is gone. Well while these thoughts were going through my head and i was bawling the midwife was searching for an ultrasound machine. She finally got back to the room and freaked out over me crying. as you can imagine i was a mess. she couldn't get me calmed down so she gave me the ultrasound and immediately saw the little baby. :) and i found her heartbeat before the midwife did. she then played around for 5 or so minutes while i watched our little baby blow bubbles and look right at us. The amazing part was she let me record it for when Caleb comes home. I'm so excited for this. i want him to see as much as possible. since he might be gone for the birth. we also got two pictures. We have another appointment in 6 weeks and also another ultrasound. then in 8 weeks I'll have a third ultrasound. which I'm VERY excited for since that's when we find out we are having a girl. I'm wishful. After i left i picked the boys up Ben was ENTHRALLED with the baby picture. This boy loves this baby so much. He also said he wanted a sister. :) So that was the appointment. Friday shall be another weekly update!!!

ps. the thing that looks like a nose is in fact a bubble. she was blowing them the whole ultrasound.

10 Weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

How far along? 10 weeks 1 day

Total Weight Gain? now negative 10 lbs.

Symptoms? Nausea and morning sickness, sooo tired, bloody noses, and my headaches are back.

Stretch Marks? the ones from tristen are getting darker

Sleep? What is that??? lol. its getting a little better.

Best Moment Last Week? Ben asking where his baby was.

Movement? nope. 6 weeks hopefully. :)

Food Cravings? nothing. food is now making me want to puke even worse.

What I miss? sleep. i miss sleep alot. and fitting into my clothes. and my husband.

What I am looking forward to? our next appointment on the 20th!!!! IT'S IN 4 DAYS!!!!!! and also finding out we are having a girl. lol. i'm optimistic.

Milestones? the baby is the size of a plum. :)

How is Daddy? missing us alot. and i mean alot. he hates that he can't be here for us.

9 weeks!!!

2010-10-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

18 Weeks

How far along? 9 weeks 1 day.

Total Weight Gain? still negative 5 lbs,

Symptoms? Nausea and morning sickness, sooo tired, bloody noses, and my headaches are back.

Stretch Marks? just the ones from tristen.

Sleep? Horrible. though my new preggo pillow helps alittle.

Best Moment Last Week? Not throwing up after eating dinner.

Movement? Not yet. hopefully in 7 to 8 weeks.

Food Cravings? everything i'm not allowed to have.

What I miss? sleep. i miss sleep alot. and fitting into my clothes.

What I am looking forward to? our next appointment on the 20th!!!!

Milestones? the baby is the size of the grape!!!! :)

How is Daddy? missing us alot.

8 weeks!

2010-10-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

How far along? 8 weeks!!!!!!

Total Weight Gain? negative 5lbs.

Symptoms? tired like no other, nausea, and vomiting. though the last two have settled a little but not much.

Stretch Marks? Just the ones i had before from Tristen. but they are still almost nonexistent.

Sleep? Whats that?? i sleep when i can. had a 3 hour nap today.

Best Moment Last Week? got a letter from Caleb. and he asked how the baby and i were. :) and my sister thinks that i am having twins because i'm growing. and i'm scared since i keep having dreams of twins. lol.

Movement? No but i should in about 8-10 weeks. :)

Food Cravings? I really want panda express. so i think i'm going to pack the kids up and go get some. its a nice day and going to the park sounds great..

What I miss? Sleep and caleb.

What I am looking forward to? Getting a letter from Caleb on Tuesday and my appointment on the 20th. We get to hear the heartbeat and see an ultrasound.

Milestones? 8 weeks!!!!!

How is Daddy? Missing being here with us. And wishing he could be at the appointment with us too. But only 6 weeks left until he gets to come home for a day.

bad case of the blahs

2010-09-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

Missing Caleb is so much harder this time. I don't know if its because I'm pregnant and could really use his help right now or if its just missing him. It's probably both. Ben and Tristen both have fevers. Ben is acting normal and Tristen has become the grump monster. Which i deal with in between bouts of throwing. Morning sickness has not been kind to me this pregnancy. And I'm hoping it's because it's a girl. Everything is crossed for this. I don't think I've gone a single hour without nausea or a whole 2 hours without vomiting. Completely different from the boys when I'd only get sick if i smelt something bad (usually beef). Also my cravings are out of control. I'm always hungry for something i can't have. Sushi, Fish n Chips with LOTS of tarter sauce, the bread sticks from olive garden, red robins french fries with ranch dressing, Shirley temples, and crap with LOTS of garlic butter. so as you can see expensive food. which sucks. also i want orange chicken with rice from panda express. I just want to eat. I wanted to go to the beach or zoo this month but with the pay the way it worked out we won't go until mid October. we should have a little extra money left over at that time. but then i want to save that for Christmas. I've decided to not host Thanksgiving also. Its too much work and with Caleb being gone i don't want to deal with it. I don't know what we'll do but I think I'll cook a turkey and do a little of each side for the boys and i. I think that'll work better. Or I've been invited to Hunter's family gathering with turkey that is wrapped in bacon. who could say no to that? i just hope Caleb can come home. wishful thinking?? but who knows. i hope but I'm not getting my hopes up. We made it 1 week without seeing each other. which is exciting to me. only 7 left. which sucks. I have my next appointment in 4 weeks. which i wish would come faster. I get an ultrasound and Doppler. I'm going alone this time instead of taking someone with me. Its a personal appointment and I don't want anyone there except Caleb. If only he could come back for it. Well I need to let the doggies in and clean them up. We've had rain for the last day and the dogs LOVE mud. I've had to hose them off every time i let them out. its getting annoying.

7 weeks

2010-09-24T20:14:00.001-07:00

A fellow blogger does this every week. i thought it would be a good thing to do so that caleb could re read them when he gets home and he can be up to date on the baby. :)

How far along? 7 weeks!

Total Weight Gain? -3 and going down. no worries though since i have lots of extra. :)

Symptoms? Nausea from hell, vomiting on the phone with people (and at night and in the morning.) and legs and feet cramping. and my fingers are swollen

Stretch Marks? I've had a few since i had Tristen. I had none when i went into labor with him but when i pushed him out a million showed up. now i just have 3 and i'm hopping no more show up.

Sleep? None existent. Well i sleep at midnight and get up two or three times to pee. and then get up at 6-7 with the boys.

Best Moment Last Week? Ben and Tristen kissing the baby and blowing raspberries on my belly.

Movement? No. i still have awhile for that.

Food Cravings? kfc, orange chicken, white rice with butter. and something else but i can't figure it out

What I miss? my hubby.

What I am looking forward to? my first ultrasound and heartbeat hearing.

Milestones? almost to 2 months. hopefully by 3 months the sickness ends

How is Daddy? no clue. i wish he was here. and he probably wishes the same.

WOWZERS!!!

2010-09-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

So its been awhile. We moved 20 days ago. Which seems so crazy. Where did the last month go? The move went amazing. nothing was lost and only a couple things were broken. The boys love the new house. Ben wakes up every morning and tells me "mommy i love my new house. I love my backyard, i love my dogs". which means YES we got our 2 puppies!!! Maggie is our pit bull boxer mix. she's about 9 months old and an awesome dog. She reminds Caleb of his childhood dog daisy and they look almost identical. My brother and sister in law got the dog before we moved and said they would train her for us. and it worked out great. Bear is our black lab mix (don't know what he's a mix of) that a friend found on the side of the road. They couldn't keep him so we said we would (we wanted a friend for Mags and this dog had some training along with potty trained. which was a big plus). The day we moved we also found out that we are expecting Hastings baby #3!!!! who i'm calling my little sweet pea. I had my first appointment yesterday which went well. it was just alot of history stuff and talking to a nurse. The pregnancy is going well. besides puking and not being able to eat because i'm nauseous. if i can't get anything to stay down i have to go get fluids from the hospital tomorrow. so i'm hoping i can get something to stay down. the kids are very excited about the baby. Caleb left Monday morning (at 230am) and is going to be gone for 8 weeks. then be back for 24 hours and then be gone for another 4 weeks. pregnancy sucks without a husband to help. i ventured to the store today for the first time and was stopping every 5 seconds to bend over so i wouldn't puke. it was not fun. my dad and brother came to visit for a few days the first week we were in the house which was fun. i missed them alot and i love being able to talk geek with Chris. he is a fellow WoW player. :) dad was fun too. i missed him alot. and they boys adored him more. my friend and her son and one of her friends also came to visit from OR. they were here to see her hubby graduate from Basic and it was nice to see them. it reminded me of life before kids. and lets just say i love my life now. :) so basically the last month has been hectic, crazy, and out of control. but what fun life isn't. i love it. its hard not having Caleb here. really hard. i cry myself to sleep at night and sleep on the couch alot. why does separation suck so bad?? well its bedtime so i gotta go. my next appointment is in October so i'll probably update then!

YAY!!!

2010-08-27T10:17:00.001-07:00

So the first big thing is:

Caleb got specialist!!!! Congrats to my hubby for making more money for me. :) also since he's been in a year the gi bill is no longer coming out of every paycheck ($100 a month) and we also get the extra money from ranking. whew. plus they got his jump pay figured out. took them 9 months but oh well. also we are moving in 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you can't tell i'm VERY excited for this. :) we get maggie and bear and i get the bigger house i've wanted for forever. i'm excited. in boo news caleb leaves for 4 months at the end of next month and thats going to suck. but in good news my daddy is coming to see me! and so are my friends. yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think i'll do ok with caleb being gone. it'll be hard but i have friends here to help me. so thats all thats going on. i'll post pre move pictures and most move pictures asap when we get internet. :) i'm very excited.

One year

2010-07-29T17:54:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it. 2 days ago (yes i'm 2 days late. things got busy) and a year caleb left. We were able to talk to eachother when he got to atlanta and then they took his phone away. and no talking for a week. it might have been two. I wrote letters to him every day explaining what was going on at home so that i felt like i had someone to talk to. and it ended up making him feel like he was still here. The boys would've had their big breakdown today and gotten in huge trouble at the store. and i would've cried myself to sleep. I remember not going anywhere because i wanted to be home incase i got a letter or phone call. i didn't want to be driving when he called. i ended up getting his letter 2 weeks after he got there. and i sent 17 letters off to him all at once. some where decorated in hearts and some were kissed. and all were doused in my perfume. He got made fun of because of my letters. but everyone loved to smell them. he also had to do LOTS of push ups. we started to get letters everyday and i read most parts aloud to the boys. it seemed to make them feel better and we always rushed to the mailbox to get letters. and when there weren't any we cried together. the boys were attached to their daddy dogs (stuffed dogs we made at build a bear with recording from caleb in them.) and we couldn't go anywhere without them. I went 2 months without seeing him but got to talk to him every weekend or sometimes every 2 weekends. then i took my own trip down and spent 36 hours with him. then the boys got to see him a month later. this year has brought so many changes. i highlighted my hair for the first time. i went without my husband for 9 months and made it out ok. we moved. and will be moving again in a month. we bought a new car. and caleb has a job that he loves. the boys have grown. both have had a birthday. and tristen is potty trained. caleb has learned a whole new language and how to shoot a gun. and basically everything needed to survive. and our marriage has gotten stronger then ever. soon he'll be leaving for 4 months. with no communications. no letters or phone calls. no texts or emails. nothing. we get to see him for thanksgiving and exodus (2 weeks of christmas) which i will be looking forward. but i'm nervous about the 2 months alone. with the boys. it'll really show how well i can do when he deploys. so one year. sometimes it feels like forever. and sometimes it seems like just yesterday. its been hard. and its been easy. its been crazy and full of new things. the next year will be harder. we'll be moving back to WA and caleb will probably be deploying. the kids will be getting bigger. ben will be in kindergarten and tristen will be following him closely.

Realizing how lucky we got

2010-07-22T19:56:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting here watching the new show NICU (which stands for neonatal intensive care unit). And i realized just how lucky we got with the boys. I had preterm labor with both boys. starting at 32 weeks with Ben i was told to just take it easy. He came 4-5 weeks early and was healthy. he had breathing issues and a little bit of jaundice and some sleep apnea. But we came home after 3 or 4 days (I honestly don't know how long it was anymore. life was so crazy at that time) He came home sooner then anyone thought but he was perfect. he was fat and healthy. with tristen it took me taking meds at home for 6 weeks to keep him inside me. he still came in at 37ish weeks and was completely healthy and normal. i never realized how lucky we got. i read quite a few blogs that most women have premature babies. and they were so sick. even when they were the same gestational age as ben and tristen. and now this show really shows how lucky i got. the babies were in the nicu for weeks. in isolates and unable to be held or breastfed. with ben he was nose oxygen (a cannula i think is what its called) and monitors. i was able to breastfeed him and hold him though. with tristen i pushed him out and held him and he was never taken from me. i am so grateful that we were so lucky. anytime i see the commercials for this show or watch it i'll remember how lucky we got.

Happy things

2010-07-21T06:29:00.000-07:00

Happy things are coming our way. :) my brother is visiting from ny for 3 weeks! (though he's staying at my sis and bro's so i don't get to see him often) we are going camping this weekend and its the FIRST ever camping trip we've done in the last 4 years. :) and no camping in my inliaws back yard doesn't count to me since we didn't get smores. thats all i'm eating this weekend. i'm sooooooooooo excited!!! next happy thing is WE ARE MOVING IN 40 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can i get a woot woot!!!! finally a bigger nicer place. and yes i'm picky. then in august is caleb's bday. he's getting to be such an old fart. hahahahaha. i'm only 6 months behind him. then i get to go to IKEA! i love shopping there. and then we get to buy a guest bed (day bed or futon. not sure yet). and then my dad is coming to visit! and when he leaves caleb's parents are coming to visit!! so i'm very excited. the boys have missed grandma and grandpas very much. and so have i. the only bad thing that has happened is that we found out caleb's leave date. he leaves for 3 months. but luckily i get him for thanksgiving and christmas. :) but he'll be gone from the end of september to january. so he'll be gone for ben's bday and our anniversary BUT be home for valentines and my bday. :) and christmas and thanksgiving. yay!!!!! well thats all for my spaztic post. i'm off to the gym again for the 3 time this week. i've only been able to make it 2 a week the last few weeks because of schedules so this is good for me. i'm also down 2 lbs!!!!! which i lost before and gained back. but i'm off!

Happy 4th of July!!

2010-07-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry i'm a couple days late but as usual life got busy. Caleb had a 4 day weekend which was really nice and so we stayed busy with being lazy. :) except for going to the gym. Sunday we went to the celebrations here on Bragg which we spent all day doing. from 230 -1030. it was LOTS of fun. the kids got to play on the bouncy toys, ride the train, and ride horses!!! And we got to eat all the bad food in the world. the one reason i hate holidays is because i always eat too much and gain the weight i'm trying to loose. We then met up with an old friend and some new ones. plus welma and cleve! and watched fireworks which was fun. and a little sad. it got me thinking about how next year caleb might not be there. which is a scary thing to think about. right now i have a time line. i know where we'll be and what we'll be doing. for about 9 months and then its back into the unknown. we don't know if we'll be together or if he'll be deployed. we don't know if we'll be in WA or still here in NC. so just alot of unknowns. But it means the start of the next stage in caleb's army career. don't ask how i feel about it because i honestly don't know.i didn't think that they would actually ride the horse since they usually get scared of the big animals. but they both got up and rode around twice and wanted to go again but it got a little busy.

this stroller has become my favorites. it did great going over the grass which the other stroller doesn't do. and the boys always sleep in it.

next was the dragon slide which was REALLY steep to get up and LOTS of fun to get down. i love how all three have the same faces.

next we got our fireman hats. which we also got last year. :)

then we went and ben got to climb the wall. which he did well for his first time

then we got to see cleve and welma which the boys loved. or they loved cleves iphone. and then we got to see our friend nick who joined the army around the same time as caleb. it was good to see someone from oregon and remember all the memories from camp. then we watched the fireworks and took 1.5 hours to get home when normally it takes 10 minutes.

Class changes!

2010-06-25T15:08:00.000-07:00

I am sooooooooooooo excited for this week to finally be done!!!! Because Caleb will finally be done with night classes and goes to morning classes. The normal day for us is get up around 630-7am with the kids. be parents until noon when we put the kids down. spend half an hour yelling at them to stay in bed (tristen likes to climb up the ladder to ben and ben likes to put tristen's diapers on himself) and then caleb goes to PT at 1300. he gets home around 1430 and then we have until 1530 for us time though sometimes the kids wake up earlier and then we don't get any alone time. Caleb leaves at 1600 for formation and gets home at 2230. sometimes he has a late pt and doesn't get home till 2300 or midnight. while i'm home with the kids playing and cooking them dinner. they go down around 8 and then its chores time. Caleb gets home and we usually stay up watching movies or tv shows and go to bed around midnight. but with this new schedule he goes at 530am and gets home at noon. so i'll be going to the gym for 1-2 hours a day while he's gone (i love to go in the morning but i feel like i should be home when he's home so it doesn't work too well. but now its going to be awesome!!! I'm so excited!!!!

annoying things to say to me

2010-06-23T11:24:00.001-07:00

So on facebook i often bitch about things i don't like. like Caleb's moronic pt person. and in reply some people say that i signed up for this so i have no room to complain. its freaking annoying as hell. because while my husband did sign up it doesn't mean i wanted to be away from him. i vent. its how i stay sane.

the next thing is that my kids need to learn to behave better and not throw fits. they are 2 and 3. how the hell am i supposed to expect them to be adults when they are still toddlers. it just doesn't make sense to me. and its the people who don't have kids that say this. most of the time i just roll my eyes. but today it just bugs the shit out of me. also the fact that some people don't like that i swear. ALOT. on facebook. lol. isn't that better then swearing at my kids?? i don't know why its so wrong that i vent to my computer. my husband is busy and doesn't need to be bugged by my little tid bits of annoyance. he has bigger things on his mind. sure the big things we talk about but for the most part i vent on my fb. so yes. i'm annoyed today.

other things that have been going on: caleb went on a jump last week and is still alive. yay!!! lol. i'm so jealous that he gets to jump out of planes. i want to go skydiving and bungie jumping. i think that would be kickass. we also went to the water park for caleb's fathers day. we went with my sister inlaw and brother and had a blast. i'm so glad that i got a little skort type suit bottom though because some of those rides give you MAJOR wedgies. lol. i can't wait for next week. caleb's schedule changes from 4-10pm to 7-noon. we can finally have some family time again. though it means that i have to wake up at a decent hour. instead of 10am. i love sleeping in. :) well kids are done with lunch and its bathroom day! my bathrooms need to be cleaned so i'll do that today!

Where we came from

2010-06-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

Caleb and I met 5 years ago. i can't believe its been that long. it doesn't seem possible and time has flown by. We've come so far in 5 years and we probably never saw this life for us so long ago. well we did. until we got pregnant with Ben. Our plans were that i would join the navy and when i got my duty station he would move with me. his plans were to become an EMT and move to where i was when it was possible. this was us when we had those plans

We had a different relationship then most people our age. We saw each other once a month. sometimes twice and sometimes once every other month. Our relationship was made from talking on the phone for hours on end. more then once we'd wake up to each other snoring because we stayed up so late. We were both just getting ready to graduate high school and go off to college for him and the navy for me when we found out i was pregnant with Ben. This was that month.

After that I moved to Albany and got a job at Safeway for a couple months and when that turned out to be too much I started working at Carl's Jr. I still love their hash browns so much. yummm. Caleb was working at McDonald's and we were both trying to keep afloat. I tried to get my diploma there but because of preterm labor i was gone too long and got kicked out. In September on our 1 yr dating anniversary Caleb proposed to me. It was the perfect proposal standing on the bridge over a lake with the sun setting.

After he proposed we were going to do the courthouse wedding and then on our one year do a ceremony. But mom wouldn't hear anything of it. So we started planning our wedding for December 16th. It was hectic. As we got closer to the date i was having more and more visits to the er because of labor. and 9 days before our wedding ben decided to grace us with his presence. I still say it was because he wanted to be part of it.

And 9 days later we had our wedding. The dress didn't fit perfectly because it was supposed to go around a 9 month pregnant belly and i lost 60lbs immediately after having him. But it was perfect because Caleb and I said I do in front of our family and friends.

After the wedding Caleb got a job offer and began working at a cabinet shop. and 9 months after we had Ben we found out we were expecting baby #2! Which would turn out to be Tristen.

After going through preterm labor with Tristen I was put on meds to keep him inside long enough to get him here happy and healthy. It worked and he was only 2 weeks early.

We were doing good and happy. Both boys were growing big and work was going great. Until Caleb started to get laid off. The first big one was for 6 weeks and then we were good for the year. Caleb looked at going to school but it was too much and with me being a stay at home mom me working would have possibly paid for day care but nothing else. So we stuck through it and thought it would get better. But with the economy going down hill so was work. So in February of 2009 with another lay off coming we decided it was time for change. We started looking at the military and after talking with my oldest brother decided on the army. We talked to a recruiter and scheduled caleb to take the asvab. After that we told the parents. Who were not happy. But we had to so in May we went in and joined the army. When we joined caleb had a little more to love on him then the army wanted.

So in the 3 months that he had before he left for basic he went to a gym and went on a diet. and this is what happened.

We spent the last 2 weeks before he left doing everything i ever wanted to do. Taking the kids to the zoo:

and to the ocean

and the aquarium

the state fair

and then we made our daddy dogs. i wanted the boys to have something that reminded them of Caleb so we made our daddy dogs. which are build a bears that are dressed in ACU's with a message from Caleb for each boy.

the week after doing this it was time to have caleb swear in for at least 6 years in the army.

and later that night we had to say goodbye for 4 months,

We got letters daily from him and sent letters everyday. Some weekends we would get phone calls but those were rare and amazing. the boys and i spent alot of time with my in laws and going to my families houses. it was hard. there's no lying about that. but it was made easier because we had a good support system. in October my in laws watched the kids for 3 days while i went on a 72 hour vacation to see Caleb for a pass he had. after my visit i went home for 3 weeks and then headed back down to GA with the boys and my in laws for Caleb's graduation. It was the boys' first time flying and it went over really well.after the flight we went to the hotel and then to bed. then we got up in the morning and got ready to see Caleb. Ben was very excited to Caleb and Tristen was a little scared. after staying 5 days with Caleb we left for home again and waited another month before seeing him for Christmas. Christmas was hard because Caleb's flight got canceled and it took 2 extra days and a little more money to get him home. but he made it home and we had a good Christmas together. after Christmas Caleb left for more training and we didn't hear from him for a couple months and then we got the notice that we could finally be together again. it ended up that Caleb wasn't able to come home and help us move so i enrolled my brother to help me drive across the country with the boys. this was just one of my favorite pictures from the trip. after 4 days of driving we finally made it to my brother and sister in laws and spent the night and then finally got to see Caleb. we made it a day early and surprised him.

Caleb was able to stay with us for 2 days and then had to leave for a month. We were able to get a 3 bedroom 2 bath apartment and just found out that in September we will be moving to base housing! which I'm so excited for. since we've been here we have friends that come over and my family comes over often too. while its hard to be away from family and friends in Oregon i love being with Caleb again. so that's our life. how we started and how we got to where we are.